Wednesday, April 27, 2011

.....dear Brody.....

.....Dear Brody,
.....I feel my throat tightening as I simply type the words dear Brody......I want to capture our first two weeks together because they have been wonderful, but I know I won't be able to articulate exactly how I feel about you.....words can't possibly capture the pureness of getting to know you, learning your unique sounds and whimpers, describing the way you rest your head against me when I cradle you.....it's all been so surreal and your presence has added more joy and love to our home than I ever thought possible.....
.......my hope is that when you read this in years to come, you might capture a fraction of the emotion that stirs in my heart for you.....


.....your birth was very serene....it was very calm......I remember thinking so many times......oh, I can not wait to meet this baby.....the preparation of the birth passed by like a movie in slow motion and I studied every frame so I would not forget any of it.......however, when it was time to meet you and the Dr. changed into his scrubs, it all happened quickly.....you were placed in my arms after just a few minutes and immediately I knew that your demeanor was sweet, charming and relaxed; just like your Daddy.....




.....and you look just like him, making the similarities in presence even sweeter.....you are like two peas in a pod.....

....your sisters adore you.....we constantly keep watch over the amount of love they give you.....smothering you with hugs and kisses, piling your swing with toys, resting next to you on the couch, covering half of your tiny body with their toddler limbs that douse you with attention......




.....each sister enthusiastic about their new role, big and biggest sister....loving every minute when they have you to themselves......



.....and as for me?.....I cherish our late night feedings.....I will happily forgo sleep as long as I have this precious time with you in these first few weeks.....it's my opportunity when I can silently study your face as I rock you by candle light in our room; where all of your sweet, tiny newborn features are highlighted by the soft glow.....Daddy breathing heavy as he sleeps.....and it's just the three of us......and these hours in the night and early morning are my favorite because you have my undivided attention and I have yours.....and in a blink of an eye this newborn phase will be over, so I want to inhale all of the precious moments with you.....


.....and although I love all of my children without expecting anything in return, it's your long sighs as you cradle into my neck and deep breathes as you nurse that give me back more than I could ever ask for.....because we have bonded so quickly and I am fueled by this overpowering love that I now understand happens between a mother and son.....







.....you are our gift from God and I am truly blessed to raise you.....I look forward to the abundant hours ahead of us to learn about one another and for our family to continue to settle in as a party of five.....
.....and I will strive to spend quality time with each of you so that the three of you know you have your unique place in our family.....


......and there will be good days ahead.....


.....and tough days ahead.....


......but I promise to love you intensely.....I vow to raise you in a loving and compassionate home that buzzes with blessed chaos.....I will make a lot of mistakes, but I will learn from them.....I will try new things, expose you to different parts of this great place we live, and surround you with friends and family who will adore you for the gifts that God has given you.....


......you are our sweet blessing and my heart overflows with gratefulness.....

.....Love always and forever,
     Momma

Saturday, April 23, 2011

....savoring small segments........

.....it has been 12 blissful days with our baby Brody and there is a lot that we are lovin' right now as we cherish family and the season of new life.....and because these days begin to blur, just a bit when the feedings are around the clock; we take our 3-4 hour chunks of non feeding time and try to make them special......so in keeping up with the theme of hourly intervals, here are the glimpses of our joyful 3-4 hour chunks of precious moments.....

Spectacular walks to Central Park
.....despite more rainy and cold days than we would prefer this time of year, we inhale and treasure the gorgeous spring days in between......




My blooming first born
.....we have a ballerina turned gymnast in the making after meeting a seven year old big girl in the park......this big girl had Elsie smitten right away with her cartwheels and backbends......and my girl clung to my leg as I suggested she go and say hello, shyly retreating.......until she mustered the courage to say hello, my name is Elsie......and this big girl replied by telling my sprite she had a pretty name.....and that was the last I saw of my first born for 20 minutes........Chloe, the big girl was teaching Elsie her tricks......and now all I hear about is how Elsie needs to take gymnastics class.......




......and saying goodbye to Chloe also included begging for her to come home to play, having a sleep over, eating dinner at our house and all of the splendid things that little girls love to do......and that's just it......my oldest is turning into a little girl......it's so bitter sweet......


......and the fashionista is finding new ways to wear her biggest sister dress day after day......layered on top of another favorite dress appeased a Momma who wanted her to have on layers for the chill in the wind......it wasn't the kind of layer I was thinking of, but I choose my battles these days......and she looked too cute to argue.....


Spending the week with Daddy
.....Stefan took off this week to help out with Brody and the girls......and he makes everyday feel like a weekend, so it's been really fun for all of us to have him home......it's pretty special when the 3pm snack time becomes homemade vanilla milk shakes; opposed to the fruit, cheese or yogurt standby that I often offer.....


....three sets of hands helping to make the most incredible milkshake I have ever tasted.....


......and I will leave out the amount of them I have consumed this week.....at some point, I will have to stop relying on the old, I'm nursing excuse justifying the extra calories......but for now, I am enjoying them fully......and so are our girls.....



......Daddy also makes great suggestions.......like tuning into Tangled on a rainy afternoon.....nothing like a 4pm matinee.....


......and my favorite part of having him home is catching these sweet moments that he has with our children.....


                         .....peeking in the girls room to see if I was needed for bedtime.....Stefan had it covered......
......and my heart swells for this man and I am thankful for a husband who not only pitches in, but does it all with love and compassion......
Baby Brody
......and just as all Momma's say after the birth of each child, we couldn't imagine our family without him.....cliche, but oh so true.......he has already given us so much joy and we have fiercely protected him from the love his sisters adorn on him each day......


......and although it's only been a week and half, this baby boy is such an angel.....he sleeps, he cuddles, he eats.....his peaceful and mellow demeanor is so sweet and I simply can not get enough of him.....if I didn't have the girls to take care of, I don't think I would ever put him down.......he's pure and delicious.....



                        ....his sisters wanted to make sure he got a gift that was left at our door as soon as he woke up......

Easter Eve
......although this Easter, in terms of the commercial side of the celebration, is a much lamer effort on our part then it was last year, we still have made a feeble attempt.......


......the note on the bar next to the Easter baskets I whipped up from the dollar bin at Target right before Brody arrived tells my children that because of all the rain, the colors on the Easter bunny's eggs washed off.......so the bunny took all of the eggs that didn't get ruined to church and we can find them there in a hunt after Sunday school......pretty sorry excuse for not having a hunt in our own home.....and as much as we wanted to dye eggs, it just didn't make the priority list for the things we wanted to do with our sweet chunks of time......Luckily, we dyed eggs earlier this spring with our building family......

......so we opted for an after dinner snack of mango and kiwi and read the real meaning of Easter before bedtime.....and that was a fulfilling use of a segment of non feeding time......and put in perspective that my lame attempt at Easter this year doesn't matter......because tomorrow we will celebrate the real meaning of the season of new life......


......and that is a perfect way to start the new week ahead......

....Happy Easter.....

Saturday, April 16, 2011

....welcome Brody Austin.....

......I knew the instant I woke up on Monday that it was the chosen day we would meet our sweet baby......my longest, yet easiest labor of the three; he was perfectly placed in our arms seconds after he was born.....


.....and we didn't pass him over to be cleaned, suctioned or weighed for a very long time.....because we soaked up every second of those first long moments with our son......the precious time when it's just the three of us........ooohing, aghing and brushing sweet kisses all over him......thanking God for the miracle that we had been given......the birthing experience of welcoming a new baby is unique and breathtaking every time......and I soak in every detail because I want each minute to be branded in my memory forever.....



.....I happened to have had a check up scheduled for that Monday afternoon and since I had told Stefan as he was leaving for work that today would be the day, he met me at this appointment.....I left my Mom with the girls, as Elsie was headed to school later that afternoon and Callie needed a nap....... and I walked up the sloped hill toward the subway, mulling over how I was going to tell my Dr. that I would be in labor soon......because sometime a Momma just knows......and it seemed that everyone else knew that it was labor day because I had four cat calls on my seven minute walk to the subway......not the type of cat calls pretty women get, but the ones you might hear from the deli owner screaming across Lexington Ave. at a woman whose belly was bursting, It's gonna be a boy.....your belly is pointing straight up.....or when two policemen holler, you due soon?, you look like you might pop.....laugh, giggle, laugh......congratulations!......It made perfect sense to have so many jovial people starting banter with me on this walk, as it was a gorgeous 75 degree day.....the sun was shining, the cherry blossoms just starting to show their pending buds on each tree that drapes over our streets and I was thankful that the most gorgeous day of the year would be what I knew to be the birthday of our baby.....

....and although labor had not officially started, my water broke once I got to the Dr.'s office; solidifying my motherly inkling that today would be the day......so one pit stop back home to pick up our bags......


.....labor pains increasing the closer we got to the hospital and then comfortable and anxiously waiting soon after......


......and as Stefan and I waited, we enjoyed the text updates from my Mom about how much fun the girls were having.......they were definitely cherishing some time with their Bambi......

.....and we also loved the shots that Sara sent us of the kids enjoying the first really warm day of the year on our front sidewalk.......





.....words can't express how relaxed Stefan and I were knowing that the girls were having the time of their lives with family and friends......on one side of Manhattan, we anticipated the arrival of our third child, while on the other side of Manhattan, technology allowed us quick glimpses of our girls in the last moments of them being our only two children.....we were able to relish in all aspects of parenthood and it made for a happy Momma and Daddy......

......and inviting friends over for dinner and dessert made for some happy toddlers......



.....and they were missing us too......Elsie taped up her note from Daddy from last week right next to her bed......so we were with them as much as they were with us.......




......and just shortly after they went to sleep for real, opposed to playing around in Bambi's bed, they placed him in our arms......


.....and this birth was so serene and peaceful......our doctor had us all positioned so close together that Stefan and I were able to share every moment side by side, hand and hand, inches from our baby in his first few seconds of life outside the womb.....I held Brody as Stefan cut the cord, all the while; our sweet baby was as peaceful as an angel......besides our doctor and one nurse, there wasn't anyone else present......and it was a long while of the two of us embracing the gift of our little boy......it was the most personal, intimate birth because of the immediate bonding time we had with him......our sweet baby boy......it still feels incredibly exciting to say it......we have a son!.......

......and because of the fact my Mom could take care of our girls, the bonding continued well into the first hours of the morning......





......and the moment that Stefan and I had been waiting for now that Brody was here was introducing him to the girls......proudly sauntering in with their new Big Sister dresses, Elsie and Callie were thrilled to meet their baby brother......and watching them enjoy the moment from a 2 and 3 year old perspective was endearing......it was heart warming.....it was another moment branded into my memory bank because it was filled with so much love.....




......and Janet, my postpartum nurse, was kind enough to allow the girls to diagnose that their brother was healthy and ready to come home......


.....actually, we were all healthy......our girls were ready for all of us to come home together......



.....and soon enough we would.....but for the first 26 hours of Brody's life, we loved on him all over the hospital room......




.....at last, both girls were officially big sisters and it doesn't get much better than that......


......and after Stefan, my Mom and the girls all left to start the nighttime routine, I was left alone with my boy.....feeding, cuddling, enjoying the quiet moments with him.....cherishing the view that I have savored three times now from the same hospital that has welcomed all of my babies......

......my blessed, beautiful big city life......




.....and as dusk turned to night, I took in a few more moments of the view.....holding my little man close, reflecting on all of the good that the last seven and a half years in NYC has brought us......there has been so much change in our lives in the glimpse of time we have lived here......but holding my third baby.....remembering the miracle and beauty of the two births before him; it was hard not to well up with emotion.....by far, the best part about our experience up here has been welcoming our blessings and starting our family.....and with that, I said a prayer of thanksgiving and packed up my things......Stefan was on his way back to take us home......







......and there is no place like home......



......there have been so many moments of pure joy.....also moments of slight panic on how I am going to handle all of this once my Mom leaves and Stefan has to resume his schedule.....but more moments of joy and happiness than anything else......

                      Elsie will not take off her big sister dress......it's the only thing she wants to wear.....




......and a few heart stopping moments......like walking by the couch with Brody in my arms, but seeing this image and thinking for a moment the girls may have buried him with warm and cozy blankets......



......quickly realizing as he is nestled against me that Callie's baby looks pretty real and sleep deprivation is taking it's toll.......

......but beyond anything, I am thankful.....I am grateful.....I am blessed.....


.....and God is so good.....