Tuesday, March 30, 2010

.....over the hills and under the sun......

....a few nights ago my neighbor slipped this photograph under my door.....it's something she calls a story board and little Callie was her first attempt at trying this.....our other neighbor, Julie, baked the cake and together Sara and Julie are starting a venture called "Cake Smashers"......don't know about you, but I think it's pretty sweet....can't believe our littlest Balderach is not only 1, she's 13 months already!


..... Sara is a beautiful photographer, a beautiful friend....one of the most thoughful people I know....her compassion comes through in her photography......I added a few of the others she took when we photographed the "event" of my baby turning one....



 .....and of course the photographers always make the images and expressions look like they were so easy to capture....at least Sara does.....so I just had to showcase one that can testify to what was happening between clicks.....


....and I don't know if there are any other Mommas out there that go through the same flood of emotions, but the one year birthday is always very complicated for me....I get very excited that the hardest part of having a new baby has passed and that the joys of toddlerhood are around the immediate corner.....the "only Mommy can understand" communication that comes with a new talker....the funny things they say, their little personalities that are revealed over time.....like opening a present ever so slowly....and in that same thought, I also get a little anxious of the challenges that also come with toddlerhood.....the independence, the testing of the boundaries....days ahead that sometimes feel like they last forever and bedtime can not come quick enough for Momma or child.....but I think the most overwhelming emotion for me is the goodbye to the baby phase....the baby phase that starts with the positive pregnancy test, the planning, prepping and anticipation for 9 months, the beautiful birth, meeting your new child; your gift from God....the baby who just needs you for everything......the sleeping newborn, the non sleeping newborn, the gummy yawns and smiles, ....the "firsts" of so many things....and because the year goes by so quickly, I also begin to wonder if I am taking it all in....that quite possibly before long, life as I know it today will be a decade ago....and we'll be racing to soccer, cheerleading, basketball and girlscouts all in a Saturday morning....longing for the days that we could cheer our baby to take just another step as they are learning to walk or lounging in our PJs and reading the same book for the 4th time....

....I had a moment tonight that made me remember how quickly after the first birthday babies turbo jet into toddlerhood....Callie was all bathed and smelling yummy from her lotion....walking around the house as I washed Elsie's hair....enjoying the freedom of having every toy, book and stuffed animal to herself...we were listening to some music from this acoustic hippy that taught a music class Callie and I took together....great tunes, very original- not your everyday nursery rhymes....one tune is about "riding a horse over the hills and under the sun, as the wind blows is as fast as we'll run".....and in the class we click our tongues to sound like a trotting horse...

....so tonight she was just taking in the tunes all alone, enjoying the empty living room as I watched her from the door crack in the bathroom....and she just clicked her tongue like the horse does in the song....just at the right time....I realized even more than I did last week or the week before that she is her own little person....

....I remember coming to this realization with Elsie...although as a first time Mom, I did not know how fast she would move away from being my baby....now I have been there once, I know what's to come and it's all very sweet, part of growing up; but it still makes me teary eyed when I think of the end of a chapter.....I can only hope and pray that I cherish this time.....have faith- that like a good wine- the times with your children only get better....but there is a sadness to saying goodbye to each phase...one door closed is another open and the thought of newness is refreshing and exciting....but it still....it's complicated these emotions of your baby turning one.......

Monday, March 29, 2010

....the significance of a good scent.....

.......It's amazing how the smell of some things can bring you back to moments of the past.....and in an instant, you can feel like you are in a place that you have been in a different lifetime....one inhale of it can take you back to the emotions of that time in your life......today I had one of those moments......and it was the smell of playdoh.......it took me back to the age of 5 or 6....playing with it in my back patio, on our round table, next to my pool, wearing pigtails and a bikini and soaking in the sun.....I could even smell the Florida salty air as I was pulled back into time....and amazingly, all of this was captured in the 1 or 2 seconds that the smell of playdoh registered in my memory.......and I was happy....but happier to now be the participating observer with my girls on a rainy, wet and cold NYC day.....

......Elsie received a playdoh kitchen set from Papa T over Christmas and although this wasn't the first time she had played with it; today was the first time she played it with Momma....and Momma hasn't played with playdoh in 30 years.....

......boy, was she excited.....




....Daddy is more creative with the idea of how to make pretend food out of playdoh, but we did our best today.....one hand helping Elsie with the "kitchen tools" and one hand constantly pulling playdoh out of Callie's mouth.....   

                                                   
....here is my baby girl right before popping this entire green ball of delicious playdoh on her palette....and after the green was married to the white and the yellow was mashed into the red to now make a burnt orange shade......we were done.....playdoh everywhere and stuck to everything.....it was dinner time and Daddy was coming home early before his big trip this week.....I didn't care how much got on the floor, I laughed at how much Callie ate, I found playdoh in their finger nails, the cracks of the wood floors, stuck under the table.....and as I mashed the wet, slobbery, multi-colored playdoh back into the little yellow canisters....I just smiled....I smiled at the memories of my childhood and the memories of today with my children....it was blissful....

......brightly colored bliss.....

Sunday, March 28, 2010

....baby it's cold outside.....


......the weather snapped back to cold again this weekend and left us dreaming of the 65 degree sunny weather we had just had the week before.....nothing left to do but try and stay warm and cozy......one head of cauliflower and a lot of cheese later, we had some very good soup.....it's amazing how cheese makes everything taste so yummy to a child...even cauliflower!.....


....all good things must come to an end......

........I couldn't have asked for a better way to have my first child......these 3 children were all born within 1 month of each other and have made it to to the ever so large age of two thinking that every toddler in the world gets neighbors as great as these! Elsie, William and Caitlin are the best of friends and have made so many special little memories together......


......for me it was not only these children, but their mothers who have become my friends...in a time when I wasn't sure to keep working and carry on with my 12 year career or stay at home with this little miracle I had been given now seems like a century ago.....so lucky that I had this option to choose, I was still conflicted in that time of my life....many nights of tossing and turning, many prayers that God's will be done....I was afraid of missing the adult interaction, of losing the business side of me that at times could be savvy, of having too much time on my hands, not enough friends, and truly really wondering without my career did I still have my own identity?
And so two years later......these women have been my sounding boards, their children have given me so many smiles, little chuckles, stomach aching laughs....it's a building where a little knock at the door brings a thoughtful toy that someone picked up thinking of little Elsie or Callie, a favor for an egg or a cup of milk, a play date on a rainy day, a glass of wine after the children have gone to bed....it's a life that I pinch myself at times because it's such a special way to live that suburbia could not comprehend unless they come to visit to see how the city dwellers do normal daily events....



.....Our neighbors that live directly next door to us moved to CT last week....it is normal for most growing families to move out of the city for the extra space, so hearing that one neighbor or another is moving to the "burbs" is not unusual.....When Cristen told me that she and her family were leaving, it didn't really register until we had to say goodbye.... 
















 ......It's small, subtle reminders that trigger the longing for our friends...the darkness from under their front door instead of the light that would beam through the crack brings me to tears still one week later....the new quietness of the 2nd floor when it wouldn't be uncommon to hear a baby cry, a toddler tantrum, or a silly giggle....usually the chaos in perfect harmony since many times those household noises were coming from both apartments simultaneously....

.....and although the distance won't take away our friendship, I will miss the closeness of being neighbors....the friend to talk to at one knock of a door, the walks to the park, the brisk half jog to Sunday school always running 10 minutes late, the picnics, the chats in the hallway while the toddlers ran stairs, complaining about doing laundry as we lugged our burp rags and fitted crib sheets to the basement....I will just miss seeing Cristen's beautiful face and her lovely, sweet children every single day.....


......so now all I can do is be thankful for the 2.5 years of being neighbors, having each other to experience being first time Moms, both of us getting settled in staying at home with our children and LOVING it, having second babies together, and now being able to do city AND suburbia play dates......but most importantly I can be thankful for our friendship.....


...... and the good news is that we still have little William to play with.....I think he is the sweetest, kindest little boy I know...... 



.....and everyday I will just cherish the memories like a beautiful picnic at the park, seeing big smiles on my girls' faces, hearing the laughter, watching the wonder....it's days like these that turn out to be so good for the soul......

Photography by Sara Blackburn

Friday, March 26, 2010

....home sweet home.....

......we have often talked about how long we would be New Yorkers....Stefan and I moved to NYC aspiring to have challenging and exciting careers....and we found that here......we didn't really have a time set on how long we would aspire to be here, BUT 6 years later........1 husband, 3 different neighborhood moves, 1 apartment purchase, 2 career changes, 1 stint in Europe, 2 babies in 15 months and it's finally feeling like this will be home for a long time.....we have our little nook in the city where we can break free from all of the hustle and bustle, actually hear birds sing, love our neighbors, know our local deli and dry cleaner owners and our children know nothing else other than this wonderful place that we call home....It's just dawned on me lately that this is our little life and I need to capture more moments of it....and savor each of them because the days are flying by.........and so thebalderachs.com was born.....