Tuesday, March 30, 2010

.....over the hills and under the sun......

....a few nights ago my neighbor slipped this photograph under my door.....it's something she calls a story board and little Callie was her first attempt at trying this.....our other neighbor, Julie, baked the cake and together Sara and Julie are starting a venture called "Cake Smashers"......don't know about you, but I think it's pretty sweet....can't believe our littlest Balderach is not only 1, she's 13 months already!


..... Sara is a beautiful photographer, a beautiful friend....one of the most thoughful people I know....her compassion comes through in her photography......I added a few of the others she took when we photographed the "event" of my baby turning one....



 .....and of course the photographers always make the images and expressions look like they were so easy to capture....at least Sara does.....so I just had to showcase one that can testify to what was happening between clicks.....


....and I don't know if there are any other Mommas out there that go through the same flood of emotions, but the one year birthday is always very complicated for me....I get very excited that the hardest part of having a new baby has passed and that the joys of toddlerhood are around the immediate corner.....the "only Mommy can understand" communication that comes with a new talker....the funny things they say, their little personalities that are revealed over time.....like opening a present ever so slowly....and in that same thought, I also get a little anxious of the challenges that also come with toddlerhood.....the independence, the testing of the boundaries....days ahead that sometimes feel like they last forever and bedtime can not come quick enough for Momma or child.....but I think the most overwhelming emotion for me is the goodbye to the baby phase....the baby phase that starts with the positive pregnancy test, the planning, prepping and anticipation for 9 months, the beautiful birth, meeting your new child; your gift from God....the baby who just needs you for everything......the sleeping newborn, the non sleeping newborn, the gummy yawns and smiles, ....the "firsts" of so many things....and because the year goes by so quickly, I also begin to wonder if I am taking it all in....that quite possibly before long, life as I know it today will be a decade ago....and we'll be racing to soccer, cheerleading, basketball and girlscouts all in a Saturday morning....longing for the days that we could cheer our baby to take just another step as they are learning to walk or lounging in our PJs and reading the same book for the 4th time....

....I had a moment tonight that made me remember how quickly after the first birthday babies turbo jet into toddlerhood....Callie was all bathed and smelling yummy from her lotion....walking around the house as I washed Elsie's hair....enjoying the freedom of having every toy, book and stuffed animal to herself...we were listening to some music from this acoustic hippy that taught a music class Callie and I took together....great tunes, very original- not your everyday nursery rhymes....one tune is about "riding a horse over the hills and under the sun, as the wind blows is as fast as we'll run".....and in the class we click our tongues to sound like a trotting horse...

....so tonight she was just taking in the tunes all alone, enjoying the empty living room as I watched her from the door crack in the bathroom....and she just clicked her tongue like the horse does in the song....just at the right time....I realized even more than I did last week or the week before that she is her own little person....

....I remember coming to this realization with Elsie...although as a first time Mom, I did not know how fast she would move away from being my baby....now I have been there once, I know what's to come and it's all very sweet, part of growing up; but it still makes me teary eyed when I think of the end of a chapter.....I can only hope and pray that I cherish this time.....have faith- that like a good wine- the times with your children only get better....but there is a sadness to saying goodbye to each phase...one door closed is another open and the thought of newness is refreshing and exciting....but it still....it's complicated these emotions of your baby turning one.......

1 comment :

dat ha said...



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