Sunday, September 29, 2013

.....stream of consciousness......

 ....he melts my heart, truly......this momma/son experience has been such a blessing and I tell him daily he is my favorite boy......glad he's got that going for him because it awes me how many of his "firsts" get watered down by the commotion of our bustling home......


........Elsie's first day of nursery school was huge.....grandparents sent cards, I took a million pictures and we shopped all summer for her backpack.....the one that she had eye balled the spring prior to school and talked about for months.....

.....Callie also had her fair share of attention on her big day......Elsie played with friends while I took Callie to class and absorbed the experience with her......we stopped for ice cream afterwards and slowly shared our treats with one another......

......Brody has three pictures from his first day, a fourth one taken by a friend who captured his unwillingness to pose any more and I neglected to carry in the canon to snap pictures of him as I watched him explore his new classroom......I meant to grab the canon, but the bus came, Elsie hopped on, Callie was excited for her first day of school, we didn't want to be late and half way into the drive it occurred to me that I never ran back upstairs to grab the canon.......after school was out, I threw the kids in the back of the car to get a latte because I needed a mid morning caffeine fix and every time I asked Brody about his first day, his sister jumped in to throw in a cool highlight about her new 4s class......

....oh, my sweet boy who is surrounded by the chit chat of women......bless you......

......I am going through a phase in which I know that I can not do it all and I am actually OK with it.....it's liberating to know that trying my best is good enough.......I barely have it together with three children and in 6 short weeks, we will have another sweet babe to care for and I am at peace knowing that our baby will be lucky to have even just one picture taken on the first day of nursery school.....

.....but in between the lack of capturing moments such as these, there will be a lot of love, laughter and cherishing because that's one thing we do well in our brood......





.....three weeks into nursery school now and I am finely in tune with how fast the year will pass.....I especially notice myself carving out time with Callie while Brody naps because I know in just 10 short months, she will be joining the bus with her sister to begin her long days of learning......she will leave this haven of comfort with familiar faces and enter the same new big world that Elsie is engulfed in this year.......



.....she will explore new things and learn in ways that enrich her and I will not get the sneak peeks from her teachers as to what she does when she is away from me.....she will be one of many more children navigating her way to find her own niche and she will have to soar on her own......


.....and just as I have with Elsie, I will ask myself as Kindergarten approaches......did I do enough when I had her home with me?.......did we read enough? play enough? bake enough? have good talks? take spontaneous adventures?.......will she remember the five years she had at home five years from now?.....am I capturing enough pictures? writing down our best times in this blog? creating moments of laughter and adventure?.......

.....some of my answers will make me proud of my momma job and some of my answers will have me tweaking things for Brody's sake and his soon to be sibling's sake......it's how we mold and change and grow and improve and it's all healthy and good and uncomfortable, simultaneously......

.....Elsie is gone from 830-330 pm everyday......she is gone 35 hours a week, not to mention the time she wants to take piano lessons or run the soccer field.........on the weekends, we have 48 hours to make up for that time and I am balancing it with two and soon to be three other children and a husband who I need and want to carve time out with, too.......


.....it's a crazy game of balance......of ebb and flow and some days I win and other days are tough defeats.....but to keep it simple, I engage whole heartedly, keep our schedule simple and refuse to commit to too many things that diffuse our time together......


.....I watch my babes play, join when they ask and try to encourage their quest for learning......


.....I have always tried to savor, savor, savor.....it's part of the mantra of this blog......but it wasn't until my oldest went to Kindergarten and the first month of school passed, allowing time to settle and for me to feel the lack of her presence upon the home that I realized the time is really vanishing......

......Callie is next and in less than a year, two of my four will be gone for long days and my early years with both of them will be memories......the new experience will be great, yes......and clearly, there are days when the simplicity of less kids at home is liberating......but the acknowledgement that time is slipping by is greater in my world today than it was only a few short months ago......

......my last ultrasound......ever......


.....the anticipation of a third baby when the girls were still so little is starting to be a long time ago because my girls are not so little anymore......



.....pregnant with Brody at 32 weeks......


.....pregnant with new baby #4 at 32 weeks......


.....our house bustles, the weeks zip by, I forget the good canon camera on Brody's first day......so we may have less pictures for his big moment as a new 2's class nursery school student......

.....but I am keenly aware of the precious little ordinary moments that make up the most important ones for our brood......and those are the ones that really count.....

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

.....just short of a decade......

 ....there are many times throughout the year that I settle in to relive our wedding pictures; although I must admit that the time I have to browse through them has declined as our life has grown fuller......but just as this favorite picture from our reception suggests; time, events, and moments in our life have blurred past us over our nine years of marriage, but we have stayed fixed and focused on one another....tonight I am grateful and blessed by our ability to put blinders on to so many distractions that can burden a couple who enthusiastically say, "I do" on their wedding day.....


.....not to say that our marriage is perfect, as there have been thoughtless words said and inconsiderate gestures we wish we could take back.....but overall, I married a man who cherishes me fully and I adore and love everything he does for me and our family......


.....this last year of marriage has been the most serious one we have endured.....there have been heavy conversations, stresses we have faced that have been new to both of us, and unified decisions that took a long time to become banded......but that isn't to say that there hasn't been joy this year, either.....

......there has been a treasure that has been opened to us......a gift that is received when the blur in life is so foggy and disorienting that instead of being distracted by its discomfort and aggravation; you cleave to one another a bit tighter to make your way through until there is even the slightest visibility.......and when the murkiness begins to lift, instead of letting go, your grasp is welded in a new place that it wasn't before.....and that steadfastness and permanence and solidity and strength provides for a place where love endures......


.....yours always and forever......



...143....

Sunday, September 15, 2013

.....long live summer......

......just before the weather turned sporadically chilly, as it usually does in September; we crammed in one more hot beach day......this wasn't your ordinary beach day......our beloved William made the drive up from the city and joined the rest of us NYC transplants for suburban, long live summer fun.......

....this picture slays me, as the entire day was full of sweet moments like this....

......inherently, the children may have known this would be one of the last full days to frolic on the beach before we are geared up in our wool and hoodies to pick apples and pumpkins......they savored it and they savored it real good......


....and it truly amazes me every year how September can hold a beach day and a boot day all within the same week, when August had us melting......the week before our family trip to the Hamptons this year, we shook down the end of summer with several friends who made special trips to see us......




....eleven years ago when Stefan was just beginning to become important in my life, Becky and I shared a cottage in downtown Austin, Texas.....there were five of us in that little house and we laughed, threw parties, danced and laughed some more.....there was never a dull moment and I am truly thankful for that phase in my life that was free, fun and easy......fewer and farther between, our visits are not as frequent as we'd like, but we make the most of the time we can get.....

      ....love your little finger in the bottom left hand corner, Elsie.....


....and our four girls, virtually the same age, play and laugh and sing and share and make believe just as you would image ten years prior that you and a best friend's children would someday do.......




.....and Brody fully in the mix this visit, made for a new dynamic.....the girls adoringly included him in everything and he relished in the attention......






.....so before fall arrives in its radiant and warm glory and I declare that it is my favorite time of year, I need to repeat for one last time during this season that summer is fabulous, too.....


.....the lazy, easy and slow days are long and they linger; but I welcome the longevity of them......friends drive and fly and pop in off trains for spontaneous visits and we hardly sleep when they're here and use the time to its fullest.....we eat well thought out meals that we cook together, drink cold beverages with splashes of fresh fruit and spend endless time outside.....and just before we start to take for granted the freedom of the season, fall is upon us begging us for structure and school routines and we welcome those too.......


.....but not before we honor one last sweet, summer day......

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

......back to school and a Stuck on You giveaway.......

.....the first week of school passed by without a hitch.....it really could not have gone any better and my girl enthusiastically hopped out of bed at the crack of dawn each morning dressed, smiling and announcing if it was a gym, library, music, art or language day......she even scotch taped her rotation schedule to the inside of her closet so she could dress according to her assigned activity......dress, skort, sneakers, sandals etc......she wanted to be prepared each day and she did it with so much enthusiasm......she is a carbon copy of the typical people pleasing, success striving, goal oriented first born personality description and she brings a smile to my face each morning as she gleefully prepares for school.....it makes it hard to wallow in my own self pity on how much I miss her throughout the day because she is thriving and loving her new routine......

.....her first soccer practice on Friday evening?......well, that did not go as well as school, but we were certainly excited about the idea of it......


.....with Callie and Brody as my only babes at home this week, it has been a great opportunity for us to prep for nursery school......this is our last week of summer before our fall schedule is in full swing and we have carved out fun and lazy to balance the back to school projects that will ease us into fall.......we have been working on our family books that Brody and Callie will take with them to school......they'll keep them in their cubbies and refer to them during free play or anytime they may feel like they need to sneak a peek of some of their favorite photos......I am hoping that the books will not be needed to deal with transition or separation anxiety, but I am bracing for that too......

.....I am thrilled to partner with Stuck on You again this fall, as their amazing products have us fully equipped for back to school......Callie remained glue and marker free during the creation of her book thanks to her new art smock......




.....she loves the personalization of her name, the fact that her smock is pink and the special front pocket where she carried her glue with her every time she wanted a new spot at our work table......



....I am not sure that at 2.5 years old he understands what it means to start school, but Brody does recognize his name and enjoys participating in the same projects as his sisters......he loved preparing his book and I organized all of his supplies for his project in his new pencil case......



.....it is the perfect size for a toddler to manage a few things, yet it is small enough for me to throw in my purse and carry for him......


.....Stuck on You is also offering two winners a $20 voucher to use for back to school purchases.......their products also make great gifts for all ages......


.....Brody is still looking for more items to take to school.....


.....if you are in full fall swing, enjoy the new routine......if you are savoring the last days of summer, enjoy your slow and lazy as you prep for school to begin......