Friday, May 28, 2010

.....15 months and 2 days old.....

.....it hit me on Wednesday when Callie turned 15 months that she is the same age that Elsie was when Callie made her grand entrance into our family.....Elsie was 15 months and 2 days old, the exact age that Callie is today.....

.....It still awes me at times, just like it did the day we found out we were expecting again; as Callie still seems like she is my baby.....it also seems like Callie just arrived....I can still remember every detail of her delivery like it was yesterday.....and as I regarded this noteworthy age in my babies' lives, I started to feel torn by two different emotions....
......I am excited and appreciate that my two girls will grow up so close in age.....I am thankful that God's plan for our family gave us two sisters that already love and cherish each other immensely.....each of them is always looking over their shoulder for the other, always aware of each other's presence in the room.....always thinking of each other when one sister offers the other the last squishy piece of banana or the chunk of string cheese that has already made it's way on the sidewalk a time or two......they love each other without the knowledge of stereotypes, judgements or prejudices......

......it's pure, wholesome love...

               March 2009- Callie, 11 days old. Elsie, 15 months

......there is also a part of me, however; that feels the need to overcompensate in giving Elsie my time... I have distinct memories of teaching her how to bring me diapers and burp clothes at the mere age of 18 months......I remember giving her time outs for curiously poking her sister in the baby swing.....I remember taking her to gym class with a newborn strapped to me, unable to jump wildly on the trampoline or unable to roll like a log; however still encouraging her to do the Mommy and me activities alone while I cheered her on from the sidelines.....

......all the while, we weren't having our story time before bed anymore, we weren't spending lazy mornings at the park learning how to navigate through new playgrounds, and meals consisted of me making her food with one hand, while I nursed Callie with the other.....I tense up thinking about those first few unorganized and sleep deprived months....I was engulfed with newness for several weeks.....

......but after a while, I did get a routine back.....books came back around bedtime, I learned to time Callie's feedings around Elsie's mealtimes, sitters were established to help me balance time with both of my girls......I was able to carve out day dates with each of them alone.....able to treasure the moments where I could inhale both of their sweetness for different reasons.....

......but if I could do it all over again.....those first few months......the 15-18 months of Elsie's life, I would have treated them both as the babies they were......I would have cared less about the spit up on my shirt, the burp rag I needed immediately, the errands I had to run or the thank you notes I felt like were overdo......maybe I still would have taught Elsie how to fetch diapers and burp rags, but it would have been in her own timing and not because I needed her to be a Mommy's helper......so there is an emotion that arises of a bit of lost time with my first born.....

              

                         January 31, 2009- 26 days before Callie's arrival
                          Sara Blackburn Photography

......I am thankful, though, that I can look back on things I have done as a mother that I wish I could change.....it's how we grow.....it's the recognition of imperfection that makes us humble, authentic and truthful....and it's the times that I didn't savor every moment that make me want to take bigger and deeper breathes of my life today.....

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