Monday, February 25, 2013

.....choosing where to dwell.........

....today was a tough day.....lots of over tiredness in the house.....plenty of whining, yelling, arguing, negative tones, not feelin' like sharin' attitudes......a few accidents that caused a lot of screamin' and demands for bandaids......and it all escalated to a swat on the tush for my oldest because sometimes a little has to understand the seriousness of disobeying.....

....but sometimes flipping through my daily camera roll gives me a dose of what I choose to focus on at the end of a day like today......I choose to dwell on the good.....the moments of time, although maybe brief; that were caught in a happy moment on a day that was enough to put me over.....


.....I said goodbye to my friend Eva two weeks ago tonight.....she died four days later and I am so abundantly blessed by how God granted me one last opportunity to be by her side.....Her funeral was on Thursday and she has been heavy on my heart for months, although especially now.....


.....I met Eva through a church event that I did with another friend......every Thursday we would set up the basement of the church and have stations of toys for littles......a book nook, a train track, a pretend kitchen, a baby doll area for the budding nurturers......mommas would chat and drink coffee and we would play with our children until it was time for a short bible story and a craft......week in and week out, it was just a handful of us from church, as we waited to see if any neighborhood mommas would join us.....it was discouraging that our event wasn't growing like we had hoped and there were many days we wondered why we continued to stick with it?.....

.....Eva walked in on a gorgeous spring day when I thought, certainly no one would show up to an indoor event; especially with a Manhattan blue skyline and warm weather after a brutal winter.....but she surprised all of us.....

.....I will never forget her sporty attire and how she pulled it all together so well......her converse were loosely laced, her sheer cotton scarf was wrapped stylishly around her neck and her skinny jeans had holes in all the right places.......he blond hair was pulled back effortlessly and her beautiful smile radiated the room....radiated it.....

......her blond boys trailed behind, unsure of the new place; but looking to their momma for cues that this new place would be safe, okay......even fun.....


....Eva came every Thursday from that point on and her friendship bloomed with all of us......she also got involved with our church and our bible study.....I am so humbled at how God used that event in the basement, which to us felt pointless; but to Him was part of his master plan.....he honored our efforts by knitting Eva into our group, revealing himself to her and giving her such a strong network of friends and family to hold her hand during the last two years of her fight with cancer.....

....Eva knew this and she chose to be thankful for it.....


......when I was a new momma of three in NYC, I remember Eva offering to help me get home from our church play date when Brody was a newborn.....Elsie was only a young three year old and Callie was a young two.....I only had two spots in the stroller and neither girl was thrilled about having to walk home......Brody was still too tiny to wear in my carrier and we had not bought our kick board for Elsie yet.......Eva asked one of her boys to get out of her double stroller so that Elsie could have his spot.......she walked my route with me, pushing Elsie and her youngest son; all while she carried Johnny on her shoulders for four blocks.....a win win for all....

.....people stared and she smiled back, but only between her encouraging words of how sleep would come again one day, I could do it with my eyes closed and when could she take my girls off my hands so I could have some quiet time around the apartment......

.....you see, Eva chose to find good in all things.....she made the decision to find the pure in the un-pure,  and she basked in what she did have, opposed to what she did not have.....

....she rid herself of joy suckers and instead, applied her efforts to choosing good, love, kindness and faithfulness.......


....she braved chemo until it stopped working.....coming off her 10 hour cocktail; only to read her boys a story at night, tuck them in and then catch up on the laundry.....the mundane things that most of us complain about were a state of mind for Eva.....she chose to find joy in every little thing.....

.....I miss her terribly, but am left not only with her memory; but the inspiration that there is beauty in all things.....

.....today, tomorrow and all days ahead, as long we we make the choice to find it......

....my ballerina turns four tomorrow and I have more cupcakes to frost.....


....how very blessed I am....

"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live" -John 11: 25

5 comments :

Stephanie said...

What a legacy to leave behind. I want that too... a life of joy and celebration in the little things. A beautiful tribute to Eva.

Amy said...

What a beautiful and inspiring tribute to your friend Eva.

Kristi said...

Tears as I read this. I am honored to count Eva as a friend. My hope is fixed on the day when we will celebrate with her again.

Davian said...

This is so lovely, Tracy. I glanced across this a few days ago but wanted to read it again when I had a chance to focus. Eva is such a sweetheart and so are you. Just the kind of inspiration I needed on a day like today.

Amy Fantaske said...

That is beautiful and a true tribute to Eva. She was my cousin's child. She was born to inspire and inspire she did.