.....as a girl, I loved fall because it meant my birthday was around the corner.....I love celebrating birthdays, even my own.......I love Halloween, love the anticipation of dressing up and I loved the actual night of knocking on as many doors as I could in a 3 hour time span......the candy counting and consuming was a bonus, too.....
.....as an adult and most recently during the last decade in the northeast, I love fall in a more complex way......yes, I still love to celebrate my birthday, although I do not necessarily like the aging factor; but the colors and climate combined with the pumpkin patches and apple trees puts me in an October tizzy.....and now, as the new season approaches and I also witness my children enjoying the novelty of the season, I am also lured back into the memory of having my first child almost six fall seasons ago......
.....two more children followed shortly after her.......so now as the bliss of my birthday arrives every year, I find myself pondering all day on how I can be a better example to them over the next year.....not just as a mother; but as an example of a good and noble wife, a dear and loving friend, a compassionate and attentive neighbor, and a God seeking woman who also can stand independently with her own traits and talents......
....they watch and absorb it all and as each birthday year rolls by, I have less time to mold and shape them......I have less time to use my one big, beautiful life to impact them the way I intend to......the way I want to.....
.....yesterday, I thought a lot about attentiveness and inclusion in our home.....three kids ages 5, 4 and 2 already makes for a lot of commotion......talking over one another, yelling, sharing, screaming, not sharing, loving, playing, laughing, crying, wrestling, hugging, giggling and seeking time from me......lots of time from me.......and in less than 30 days, there will be one more trumpet to sound, as our last baby gloriously makes her arrival......
.....sure I have ideas on how I can improve at making each of my children feel more included and connected in our family......I have intentions on how I want to change some of the ways I show them my attentiveness, especially on days such as yesterday when my eyes burned, sleep was scarce and I am all over the board, hormonally......some days I will rock it out well and other days, I will fail miserably......and in the end, as long as I own up to my mistakes and there are more victorious days than defeats, then that's a win for all of us......
.....we will be celebrating wildly this weekend since Stefan was out of town on my actual birthday........but the best gift of all was knowing that in a few short days, our family will come full circle this fall season......six years ago, the fullest, greatest blessing was given to me as I became a mother on a crisp, fall night......and soon, on another fall day in the near future, we will wrap up this amazing journey of creating babies and our family will be complete......
.....our family will be whole.....
.....Stefan sent flowers yesterday and the card attached will forever remain in a place I can view it often......recently, we agreed on her name and he included her in the card......it was the first time I have seen the names of my four children next to Stefan's name......the first time I have seen our family documented in one place.....the people I love.....the ones I adore......the reason I love the fall season and every day before, after and in between......
....sorry.....we are keeping her name under wraps until she makes her grand entrance.....
....happy fall.....happy day......happy year ahead......
