Sunday, September 29, 2013

.....stream of consciousness......

 ....he melts my heart, truly......this momma/son experience has been such a blessing and I tell him daily he is my favorite boy......glad he's got that going for him because it awes me how many of his "firsts" get watered down by the commotion of our bustling home......


........Elsie's first day of nursery school was huge.....grandparents sent cards, I took a million pictures and we shopped all summer for her backpack.....the one that she had eye balled the spring prior to school and talked about for months.....

.....Callie also had her fair share of attention on her big day......Elsie played with friends while I took Callie to class and absorbed the experience with her......we stopped for ice cream afterwards and slowly shared our treats with one another......

......Brody has three pictures from his first day, a fourth one taken by a friend who captured his unwillingness to pose any more and I neglected to carry in the canon to snap pictures of him as I watched him explore his new classroom......I meant to grab the canon, but the bus came, Elsie hopped on, Callie was excited for her first day of school, we didn't want to be late and half way into the drive it occurred to me that I never ran back upstairs to grab the canon.......after school was out, I threw the kids in the back of the car to get a latte because I needed a mid morning caffeine fix and every time I asked Brody about his first day, his sister jumped in to throw in a cool highlight about her new 4s class......

....oh, my sweet boy who is surrounded by the chit chat of women......bless you......

......I am going through a phase in which I know that I can not do it all and I am actually OK with it.....it's liberating to know that trying my best is good enough.......I barely have it together with three children and in 6 short weeks, we will have another sweet babe to care for and I am at peace knowing that our baby will be lucky to have even just one picture taken on the first day of nursery school.....

.....but in between the lack of capturing moments such as these, there will be a lot of love, laughter and cherishing because that's one thing we do well in our brood......





.....three weeks into nursery school now and I am finely in tune with how fast the year will pass.....I especially notice myself carving out time with Callie while Brody naps because I know in just 10 short months, she will be joining the bus with her sister to begin her long days of learning......she will leave this haven of comfort with familiar faces and enter the same new big world that Elsie is engulfed in this year.......



.....she will explore new things and learn in ways that enrich her and I will not get the sneak peeks from her teachers as to what she does when she is away from me.....she will be one of many more children navigating her way to find her own niche and she will have to soar on her own......


.....and just as I have with Elsie, I will ask myself as Kindergarten approaches......did I do enough when I had her home with me?.......did we read enough? play enough? bake enough? have good talks? take spontaneous adventures?.......will she remember the five years she had at home five years from now?.....am I capturing enough pictures? writing down our best times in this blog? creating moments of laughter and adventure?.......

.....some of my answers will make me proud of my momma job and some of my answers will have me tweaking things for Brody's sake and his soon to be sibling's sake......it's how we mold and change and grow and improve and it's all healthy and good and uncomfortable, simultaneously......

.....Elsie is gone from 830-330 pm everyday......she is gone 35 hours a week, not to mention the time she wants to take piano lessons or run the soccer field.........on the weekends, we have 48 hours to make up for that time and I am balancing it with two and soon to be three other children and a husband who I need and want to carve time out with, too.......


.....it's a crazy game of balance......of ebb and flow and some days I win and other days are tough defeats.....but to keep it simple, I engage whole heartedly, keep our schedule simple and refuse to commit to too many things that diffuse our time together......


.....I watch my babes play, join when they ask and try to encourage their quest for learning......


.....I have always tried to savor, savor, savor.....it's part of the mantra of this blog......but it wasn't until my oldest went to Kindergarten and the first month of school passed, allowing time to settle and for me to feel the lack of her presence upon the home that I realized the time is really vanishing......

......Callie is next and in less than a year, two of my four will be gone for long days and my early years with both of them will be memories......the new experience will be great, yes......and clearly, there are days when the simplicity of less kids at home is liberating......but the acknowledgement that time is slipping by is greater in my world today than it was only a few short months ago......

......my last ultrasound......ever......


.....the anticipation of a third baby when the girls were still so little is starting to be a long time ago because my girls are not so little anymore......



.....pregnant with Brody at 32 weeks......


.....pregnant with new baby #4 at 32 weeks......


.....our house bustles, the weeks zip by, I forget the good canon camera on Brody's first day......so we may have less pictures for his big moment as a new 2's class nursery school student......

.....but I am keenly aware of the precious little ordinary moments that make up the most important ones for our brood......and those are the ones that really count.....

2 comments :

Nikki said...

Oh thank goodness you've got Brody in school before the baby comes. Smart mom. You'll need that time to sleep!

Davian said...

You look gorgeous, Tracy. By the way, I have been thinking of you a lot lately and hope you are feeling well and ready. xo