......the last IT.......

Just having a moment of mama reflection tonight.

.....do you ever look at your child and wonder when "it" will be the last time?......."It" can come in many forms or fashions......."it" can be the last time that you are on your hands and knees cleaning food off the kitchen floor because sooner or later, your child does stop throwing food......it can be the last time you nurse your baby, the last time you strap your baby into a bucket seat or the last time you get to push your toddler on the swing..........because one day you wake up and that little baby has grown immensely over night and no longer fits in the bucket.......just as one day, your 3 year old hops on the swing to show you that they can pump themselves into a high soar on the play ground alllll byyyyy themselves......

.....there have been countless moments for me as a mother when I had no idea that "it" was my last.....

......I had forgotten this until this past summer......most recently, my "it" was Mae's wave......she does the cutest hello and goodbye wave......she waves vertically, instead of horizontally......she thrusts her little hand up and down, up and down......and it can stop me in my tracks......I can be stressed, tired, or ridden with anxiety about something I shouldn't be worried about; but when I see that wave, I am engulfed with endearment and laughter......

......days and weeks passed and each day I said to myself that I needed to capture it on video because I wanted to archive this little gesture of hers for the years to come......so I went to capture it on video while we were in Texas, begging her to wave to her cousins and you know what?.....she waves the "correct" way now.......no more vertical shimmy......no more up and down jostling.....no more stopping me in my tracks to laugh with her about the cutest wave I had ever seen......

......and the last time she did that sweet little wave, I had no idea it would be "the last time".......

.....all the mamas of the world can be worn down by summer........there is a lack of schedule, bedtimes are off, the days can be long, the children all seem to have boundless energy and we can get tired, fatigued, and weary......so weary that we have thoughts of summer needing to end quickly and desires of getting back to a school schedule, opposed to a lack of one......

......try this perspective......look at your babes in a different light.....recognize something they do today that they may not do in a week, a month, 6 months from now or next year......focus on it, inhale it, cherish it, love it and love them.......they are changing by the second and once that second has past, we won't get that moment back because it will have been the last of "it"......

.....and then you'll be wishing for the days of summer to be back again.....

Xx

......our beautiful, Mae......welcome to one.....

.....why, hello my beloved blog.....boy, have I neglected you........it hasn't been purposeful.....life with four has been a juggle and then you add Beachbody, social activities, Stefan's travel and homework; just to name a few, and the days slip by without many visits.......but November was just what I needed- a milestone family event that has brought me back to you with an open mind and a clean white slate of virtual paper so I can capture the feelings of the here and now in our bustling home.....

.....our last addition to the family turned one on Friday and we celebrated her all weekend.....honestly, we celebrate her everyday.....her bright, loving, charming, sweet and peaceful disposition have most people stopping in their tracks to admire her and we don't mind it.....we all agree that she is the most precious baby who has every existed (except my other 3 children, of course) and the other five of us in the family are all love struck to the core......every single one of us......

......deep, deep love is what we all have for this child......she has made our family complete and I think each and every one of us appreciate that fact......

.....and so, Mae Elizabeth, I will do my best to capture the emotion of the here and now.....I will try to wrap up the last 12 months the best that I can because I want you to know how truly special you have been to our family.......

.....Mae, I prayed for you for months before we even knew you were coming......and my pregnancy with you taught both mommy and daddy a lot of about faith and love and trust and hope......you, my beloved baby girl, taught me more in 9 months than I learned in years of adulthood......you were knitted together perfectly in my womb and although God knew of your innermost being, we waited anxiously to know you too......

......when you arrived looking splendid and pink and perfect, it took our breath away.....you were everything and more we had ever dreamed of and your disposition was apparent from the very beginning......you were peaceful, affectionate, bright eyed and wanted to be in the center of the family action......

.....your siblings were ecstatic for your arrival and I will never forget your birthday afternoon when the troop rolled in to meet you......I could hear the squeals down the hallway 2 minutes before they arrived in our room......

.....and since I knew you would be our last baby, I savored every second alone with you......I studied your features, smelled your skin, watched your chest rise and fall over and over again.....I could have stayed at the hospital for several days just to have you all to myself, but I knew there were others who were chomping at the bit for you to come home.....

.....your first day at the house you fit in perfectly.....you went with the flow for every event we took you to and you we probably said you were the easiest baby in the world 10,000 times in your first 12 months of life......if you needed to sleep, you slept.......if you were hungry, you would politely let me know.......if you were bored, well, actually in this house I don't think you have ever been bored.....and when you have had enough of the crew, you let me know too and we make sure to give you some space to decompress......

.....you love to be silly, you love attention, you love to explore, you love independence and you love to be on the move......

.....we took a lot of photos of you.....gave you lots of hugs and kisses and I am pretty sure at the ripe age of 12 months, you know full well that you are completely and utterly adored......

.....and it just hasn't been your parents and your siblings who have loved spending time with you......you are doted on by the whole extended family, too.....

......and so when your birthday weekend arrived, we were ready to celebrate the beautiful first year of your life.....

.....so we planned a gathering with the Schallers.....the family whose four children all align up with ours.......all 10 of us planned a party to celebrate both you and Gracie.......the baby who slept next to you in the hospital nursery your first few hours of life......

......and the baby who would be your little sidekick for many months and years to come......

......around 7 months you two started to recognize and show interest in one another.......

.....and it is easy to tell that you are both fourth children because on spontaneous play dates in October, both of your mommies have you dressed in Christmas hand me down PJs at lunchtime.......you two didn't seem to care......

.....we celebrated big......lots of cake, lots of good food and lots of family......

.....and Michele and I did not miss a beat acknowledging that she and I made it though the first year as new mamas of four, too......

......Mae, you are an absolute joy.....I hope you know that everything we do as a family is so much fuller because you are here.....I wish I could capture you laugh, your little snort when you are proud of something you have done, your smile, your coos, your sweet voice, and your expressions......the time has slipped through my fingers so very quickly; but I promise you that I have inhaled every last second of you being such a little baby.....I am anticipating so much joy in getting to unwrap your little personality that emerges more and more each day......toddlerhood will hold so many other firsts for you, which will also be our lasts; but I am loving each moment of being a family of six.....

.....thank you for blessing each and every one of us.....we love you to the moon and back, sweet girl......

.....Happy first birthday......