.....the eve of the CFA test.....

......I woke up in a bad place this morning.....you would have thought that since today is the eve of the test.....the last official day of studying (Stefan has taken off work since Wednesday to study), I would have been in a gleeful, happy, it's almost here state of mind....but Momma woke up grumpy....

....we made plans for Stefan to break from the library in midtown to meet us at a new park for lunch.....we would pick up sandwiches on the way and would spend an hour with him.....great idea....surely that would lift my spirits....I hate being in a bad place.....

.....It took me two hours longer than expected to get out of the house.....Momma wasn't the only grumpy gal in the family......Callie had been up at least four times the night prior with thobbing gums, neither girl wanted to wear sunblock, when Daddy left for the library Callie cried so hard all of the sunblock that was still wet on her face got in her eyes, an instant bath and a prickly rash on her face later,  Elsie threw herself against the refrigerator when I wouldn't let her have a third stick of string cheese and proceeded to wail for 15 minutes.....and I was so tired through all of it that my bones ached.....not helpful when one has stinkin' thinkin'....

.....we eventually got out the door.....what should have taken 45 minutes to walk took me an hour and a half.....summer is here and the tourists are out of control....Callie threw her sippy cup over board, as well as her shoes too many times to tell......and since Callie sits in back of the stroller, she loves to get a rise out of her big sister when she slams her feet into Elsie's back......over and over again.....resulting in an annoyed and screaming big sister and Momma taking a deep breath that at this point isn't helping.....it's the sleep deprivation.....it has to be because I am about to lose it.....

.....as we approach, Daddy appears out of a crowd of people and I already feel the tears welling up behind my big shades (that I also lost at the park today) ..... He walks toward us and he looks more relaxed than I have seen him in months.....and more handsome than the last time I really looked at him...I don't know why I have tears and I don't want Stefan to know I have tears because he doesn't need to be preoccupied with what is a result of really nothing but the last stretch of a long half of a year.....

......and because he is always thinking of us, Stefan had already scoped out the perfect spot in the days prior.....a reading nook for kids, miniature chairs in the shade, a brown bag full of perfection since I couldn't get to picking up the food......yummy blueberry yogurt, cheesy chips and avocado sandwhiches......

......fountains that spritz you with water when the wind blows....the foolproof solution to a hot, still day....

.....a perfect opportunity to teach Elsie about making wishes....and Daddy made her promise that the wish had to include Callie since she was too little to make her own wish.....

....Oh, Elsie.....I hope all of your wishes come true.....it was so sweet to watch you learn the magic of wishing today.....

.....and this new park, all scoped out by Daddy also had another carousel....and when I saw it, I felt the tears well up again, as it was just last night that I was reflecting about rejoicing and cherishing life....remembering my dear Papa.....and then I was mad at myself for being grumpy....and  for complaining in my head about how tired I felt....so I fought tears back again behind my big glasses (I hadn't lost them yet)....

.....before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye.....the library was calling Daddy and naptime was calling our girls.....and I thought my bad attitude was gone until I got home.....

.......it turns out that I can unload a double stroller from a taxi trunk, while holding two thrashing toddlers simultaneously when cab drivers forget what being cordial means.....in the midst of mass chaos, high pitched screaming and heavy equipment, I left the stroller bag in the trunk.....needless to say, my shades, Elsie's shades and Callie's are gone.....not to mention, two totally awesome lip glosses I just bought.....as well as a a ton of other small things....but hey- at least it wasn't a cell phone or a camera....

......and after I washed hands, feet, rinsed off sunblock, cooled down the house and gave each of my girls a bowl of raspberries, they crashed.....maybe they were so tired from yesterday with our friends......we made our way to Victoria Gardens, Donald Trump's ice rink that turns into a playland for young kids in the summer....

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.....our first ride was the water boats.....we had so many friends with us that we all couldn't go at the same time....so I had to make that split decision that a Momma of two often has to make.....which toddler gets to go first?......Elsie thowing a catagory 5 tantrum for having to wait again and watching Mommy take Callie on the boats or Callie being mad until it was her turn.....she would get over it quicker....Callie loves our new sitter Ana and would be happy in 5 minutes.....Elsie went  first and Callie sat out until the next round....boy did I make the wrong decision.....

....Ana warned me that Callie was really, really mad.....and she stayed mad at me the entire ride when it finally was her turn.....

.....when we approached the roller coaster, I told Elsie that Callie got to ride with Momma and she could ride with Ana.....Elsie cheered about being with Ana and Callie still gave me an attitude.....again, I made the wrong call back at the water boats....clearly, I am having more fun than Callie is....

....but we had too many friends with us to keep us down for long.....

.....and Callie eventually tired of the rides.....but not Elsie......she could have hit the coasters and swings all day long....a girl after my own heart.....we loved the fast rides......

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......and fast and furious is what it seems like it's been lately....so in slow motion tonight, Stefan walked in from studying at 6pm and said, "I know what I know and it's either enough or it isn't"......and in an instant, I saw this....

.....one of our best bottles of wine was cracked open and my man was whipping up some scallops, peppers and pasta shells in some sort of fabulous herb sauce.....and when our glasses clanked to toast, the tears came back for the last and final time....but they poured out this time.....just like my Mom told me they would.....sometimes you just need a good cry and you'll feel better.....

.....I cried for my crankiness today....I cried for the way that I barked at my kids.....I cried for our lack of sleep, the way I have missed my husband, yet the admiration I have for his unrelentless discipline.....I cried for all of the people that have it way worse than me, yet I still let go of all my frustrations and finally said goodbye to the dark cloud......it lifted.....right after a good cry.....just like my Mom said it would.....

......so I go to bed anticipating tomorrow at 2pm......our old sitter from last summer who is back in NYC is having a sleep over with the girls.....Stefan and I are hitting the town with Rich and Amy and not coming home until Sunday afternoon......a much anticipated date night....

.....I also pray for Stefan's concentration.....that he might be able to recall all that he has retained and learned since January....and that he can be at peace when the 7 hour ordeal is over.....

.....goodbye CFA materials......you are not welcome in our home until January 1, 2011........