....listen to your own voice......

....it's been an emotional, messy 6 days for many Mommas I know.....there are questions about all of the suffering in Newtown, CT.....there is sadness.....there is despair.....there is gratefulness that our own children are alive and well.....our children thrive just 30 miles away from families who are living through an unimaginable, horrific nightmare.....there are projects being organized to bring cheer to the students at Sandy Hook Elementary in our local community and nationwide movements to remember the innocent......there are Mommas who simply want to have their babies at home this Christmas and I am one of the many........

......the timing has been unique, as all of our children are out of school and home for two weeks.....I have been holding mine tight.....inviting others over for play dates, opposed to the contrary; as I just want to have my babies home with me now.....even if having them home means a bit more chaos than usual.....I want, I need, I have to have them close.......

....so we kicked off our cold rainy Monday with a trip to the Stamford mall.....I needed a few last minute things, the girls wanted to point out some toys they are aching for and they also wanted to speak to Santa about them.....they did not want to sit on his lap, but they certainly had some things to chat about......

.....I love when I catch Elsie sweetly settling into her role as biggest sister.....one moment she is seriously instructing Callie what she wants her to tell Santa and the next, she is encouraging Brody to repeat a new word......

.....Brody, say lotion.....it makes your hands soft.....say lotion, Brody......

.....Brody would not say lotion for her, but I took a sample or two to soothe my aching, cracked fingers......my girls smelled like every scent in L'occitane by the time we left the mall and I must say that my car is still reaping the rewards of that trip.....there are many times I close my eyes and say a quick prayer of thanksgiving that I have two girls so close in age......it is so much fun and I am enjoying it immensely......cat fights and all, but mostly; it is sweet, sisterly love....

....we have had several trips to the city the past few weeks that have been fantastic.....there have been too many for me to blog about each one, but trust me; these times have been wild.....although exhausting, I am absolutely enjoying our period in transition.....in one moment, we are basking in newness.....new friends, new play dates, new venues, new neighborhoods, new playgrounds and many, many birthday parties in Elsie's PreK class......and then in another moment, I am strapping the kids in the car to return to our old life.....the one I adored.....the only way of life I knew after having children of my own.....

.....and let me be clear that I tell Stefan everyday that Darien is where we are supposed to be.....I love our new town, our new neighborhood, school, house, etc......but I also cherish the old.....even after having three children of my own, I make it a priority every year to see my old friends.....some from high school, some from college, some from somewhere else in my life's script......but I leave my family for 48 hours and I see my besties......I preserve time with the women in my life who make me a better wife, sister, momma, daughter and friend......

.....and since I take the oath of friendship seriously, I insist on showing my babies through example that no matter how far the distance, you can still nurture, grow and develop old friendships......it is sinking in with my girls.....they get it......and they are asking questions about making new friends, but keeping their old......

.....eventually the trips to NYC will slow down......we will get more ingrained in our life up here, other NYC friends are already planning on moving out, and there will be phases of hustle and bustle that distance our trips; as life can often road block spontaneous jaunts......

.....but there will always be an open door for them in our home and we know that we can always pop in on them too......

....and trust me, there have been events in the city that I have had to cancel over the past few weeks.....the jive in my home wasn't right and I needed to tend to what I knew was best......other nights, I did not feel like making the effort, but the kids were roaring, ready and needing to go.....

....especially my little city lover.....

....and the theme that reoccurs to me more and more each year is that I should always listen to my own voice......it's humble, yet often right when it comes to matters of my children.....and when I hold back on trusting my instinct in the name of trying to be polite, or gracious, or respectful of one's profession; it always haunts me.....

.....yesterday I took Brody back to the Dr. to follow up on a fall he had from his booster seat two weeks ago.....I insisted on xrays because lately Brody just hasn't been right......he's been incessantly fussy, hard to please, easily agitated, not sleeping well and clearly exhausted.......Stefan actually asked me if he had colic.......colic? I asked him, laughing......and half way through my laughing, I could tell it was a serious question......which made me laugh harder.....colic, babe? What, is Brody a newborn???

....originally, the Dr, told me he popped his elbow out of socket......and he probably did......but I felt like he should have had xrays to be sure.....she prodded around his forearm, wrist, elbow and shoulder and he didn't flinch.....there wasn't any swelling, no redness, and no crying as she examined him.....so I tucked my instinct away, stopped asking about an xray and thought to myself, she would know....she's the professional.....

....I am not blaming her at all.....but it's the last time I will ever, ever pull back on what my inner momma is telling me......in five years, my inner momma has always been right.....always......

.....Brody's wrist and clavicle are fractured......the wrist fracture is in a very strange place that would only hurt with certain movements; which would explain why he wasn't cringing when he was initially examined.....both fractures are buckle fractures, which heal very quickly......luckily, he will only wear his cast for two weeks.....

....and I actually think he likes it now that it's been on for 24 hours......he quickly realized how much attention this hard little cast could muster for him.....

....but the initial news of this at the imaging clinic yesterday immediately had me gripping with guilt and wiping away hot tears.....here, my sweet boy has been taking falls from toddler running, sleeping at angles that were causing him discomfort, and banging his hand into walls or door frames for 14 days with a fractured wrist and collar bone......when he would cry from these instances of bumping, banging or rolling, it didn't cross my mind until 2 weeks later that maybe I should have him rechecked?.....am I too busy to notice?.....am I that unaware of the small details each of my children exhibit to stop and think a little harder about the causes of off behavior?.....

......he has also had a low grade fever, runny nose, and a wet cough.....basically, all of the fun episodes that coincide with winter and toddlerhood......and maybe I initially attributed the fussiness and longer crying spells to having a little cold......but I felt very unfit as a mother for a few hours yesterday......and then I snapped out of it and changed my self wallowing into the surge and force that will drive me to never second guess my own voice......I am wrong about a lot of things......but not my babies.....

.....if your littles are at home and are safe, healthy, thriving, and flourishing; consider yourself lucky, blessed and so incredibly fortunate.....

....I am following Ann Curry's #26acts proposal.....I think Ann Curry is a woman of grace, class and has a very compassionate heart who uses her status to help and promote others in need.......I love her idea of honoring each one of the victims of Newtown with acts of random kindness.....it is a way my children can contribute too......although they are way too young to know what happened last week, it is still Christmas season and I know they will love giving to strangers or to people who aren't expecting a gift of kindness.....

.....on Christmas Eve, the Melting Pot in Darien is also donating all of their earnings to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.....if you are local, their information is listed below......

.....The Melting Pot of Darien is embracing the true meaning of the holiday season by donating their time and earnings on Christmas Eve to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital® Thanks and Giving® campaign. This special dining event has been a restaurant tradition for over five years. The team hopes to gain full community support as the staff works even harder than ever to raise money and awareness for childhood cancer.....

.....The Melting Pot of Darien will be open for both lunch and dinner on December 24 and will offer guests tasty cheese fondues, salads, entrées and chocolate fondues. During this festive event, the restaurant will also cater to both small and large parties and promises to provide a relaxing holiday atmosphere......

....in between the fog of sorrow and sadness, there are a lot of people giving to others......yes, possibly it is for their own healing; but when you pay it forward, it also instills hope in others.....

....love on your babies longer this Christmas......give to your neighbors, pray for random people, put your cell phone down, smile more often, hug longer and be the last to let go.....

....and listen to your inner momma.....

....she is always right and she needs to be heard.....