Monday, March 24, 2014

….uninspired and make up Monday…..

…..this blog has brought me so much joy over the last four years……in fact, this blog will turn four in two days and I can distinctly remember clicking submit for the first post……I remember what I wrote, where I was sitting in our NYC apartment when I typed the essay and the feeling of exhilaration staring at the blank slate of virtual paper…..for me, the birth of the blog was a place to capture the beauty in the every day and provide snapshots for the future me to reflect and remember…..

…..I love to write….and I love to take pictures…..both are therapeutic for me and both help me gain new perspectives…..they are both like new lenses where I can see my life with a fresh set of eyes…..this blog has taught me things about motherhood that I have wanted to change about myself and it has also validated my role in this season of life when I have needed it most…..

….since Mae has arrived, I have blogged a mere five times……granted, I took 10 weeks off and unplugged from everything……including my responsibilities of the household, as we learned one February day that we (or I should say me); forgot to renew our homeowners insurance that had expired the week Mae was born……oops……but I have had a hard time squeezing in anything for me…..not a lot of work outs, not much time for catching up with friends, and this blog has certainly suffered; as I have been too tired to write or take pictures for that matter…..

….I love the buzz of our household and thoroughly enjoy being tied up with my family…..Stefan and I had many long conversations about the demand that four children would have on our lives…….I expected life to have me spinning in many directions managing a household of six; however one of my goals has always been to preserve my personal identity so I can thrive as my own, too……..and not just in the role as mama…..aiming for this goal, as many women do, makes me a better wife, better friend, better caregiver, better me, better everything…..

…..I am meeting with a life coach tomorrow…...not because I feel that there is anything wrong, but because I know with some intervention and godly advice, I can be better balanced……there can be time to give to my family, but also time for me to thrive and grow too…..

……recently, I have seriously contemplated shutting this blog down…..I have always maintained that if I can't give something my all, I just won't half ass it…..excuse my french……and when I think of the many important events I still have to enter into this space (Mae's milestones, Elsie's birthday, Christmas, etc) it has been more of a mental block and has deterred me from getting started……presently, when I think about this blog, there isn't any joy and it feels more like a chore…..so I avoid it, procrastinate and feel my blood pressure rise when I see there are 199 pictures I have flagged to eventually be posted…...but as I have been preparing for my appointment tomorrow, I scratched that idea of ending this blog…..I love this place……always have, always will……I just need to alter my mind set and arrive ready to give and take a small piece of life so we can both gain from one another…..

….so instead of spending hours recapping the past four months of photos and memories I want to share, and more importantly, moments I want my family to have from the early days of Mae's arrival; I am going to use Monday as a make up day from days past……and slowly, I think reflecting on those days will enable me to be inspired again…...to find joy in this blog and to look forward to my quiet time with this computer screen……

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…..my oldest baby turned 6 two and a half weeks after Mae was born…..luckily, the even birthdays fall on a "no party" year, so I did not have the pressure of throwing a bash at my house or planning one anywhere else for that matter……

……I met Elsie in her school cafeteria so we could have lunch together……I was able to meet her new friends, watch her interact with other students and then she had her glory in front of her class…….she beamed as they sang to her, positioned her birthday crown just right on top of her head, read a book to the class and then presented her "All about Me" poster, leaving no detailed uncovered…...



…..her chosen date with mama and Daddy was Disney on Ice which was running in Brooklyn…...so Stefan and I packed the car with our oldest and our youngest and made an appearance back in NYC……sleep deprived and baby on the boob, yes; but we made Elsie feel like a celebrity…...




…..Mimi held the fort down with the other two and was still surviving well enough upon our return to help us arrange the crew for our Christmas card picture when we got home…..



…..we didn't use any pictures we took that day for our card, but we did capture some sweet moments trying…...


…..and a birthday isn't complete without pampering, so we indulged and made it a girls trip…….



…..and during the month of November, I can't get within 100 feet of a Starbucks and resist the pumpkin spice latte…...I think I told Elsie that every birthday girl also needed a cup of hot chocolate……it was an easy sell…...


……parties are festive and loud around here…...and we consume an insane amount of cake…...


…..and when it is all said and done, I am thrilled the celebration was fabulous; but am so relieved I have another year to prepare for the next one…..


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…..my favorite shots from our present here and now……

…..Brody is completely into his sister lately and she fancies him too…...


….looking for his pot of gold…..


…..skating sisters on the first warmish day of spring this past weekend…...


…..I am almost inspired enough to strap some skates on too…….

…..almost…..

2 comments :

erica said...

Great blog! Love seeing the pictures, hope you are feeling refreshed! I'm on week 5 away from mine...life gets in the way. Savor the new born moments you wouldn't have had if you were blogging. Xoxo

Davian said...

Oh, I so relate to all that you said about blogging, especially when life feels so big after a baby. And you have much more kid madness than I ever have. Give it time, you just had a baby! Love you and your beautiful babes.