….uninspired and make up Monday…..

…..this blog has brought me so much joy over the last four years……in fact, this blog will turn four in two days and I can distinctly remember clicking submit for the first post……I remember what I wrote, where I was sitting in our NYC apartment when I typed the essay and the feeling of exhilaration staring at the blank slate of virtual paper…..for me, the birth of the blog was a place to capture the beauty in the every day and provide snapshots for the future me to reflect and remember…..

…..I love to write….and I love to take pictures…..both are therapeutic for me and both help me gain new perspectives…..they are both like new lenses where I can see my life with a fresh set of eyes…..this blog has taught me things about motherhood that I have wanted to change about myself and it has also validated my role in this season of life when I have needed it most…..

….since Mae has arrived, I have blogged a mere five times……granted, I took 10 weeks off and unplugged from everything……including my responsibilities of the household, as we learned one February day that we (or I should say me); forgot to renew our homeowners insurance that had expired the week Mae was born……oops……but I have had a hard time squeezing in anything for me…..not a lot of work outs, not much time for catching up with friends, and this blog has certainly suffered; as I have been too tired to write or take pictures for that matter…..

….I love the buzz of our household and thoroughly enjoy being tied up with my family…..Stefan and I had many long conversations about the demand that four children would have on our lives…….I expected life to have me spinning in many directions managing a household of six; however one of my goals has always been to preserve my personal identity so I can thrive as my own, too……..and not just in the role as mama…..aiming for this goal, as many women do, makes me a better wife, better friend, better caregiver, better me, better everything…..

…..I am meeting with a life coach tomorrow…...not because I feel that there is anything wrong, but because I know with some intervention and godly advice, I can be better balanced……there can be time to give to my family, but also time for me to thrive and grow too…..

……recently, I have seriously contemplated shutting this blog down…..I have always maintained that if I can't give something my all, I just won't half ass it…..excuse my french……and when I think of the many important events I still have to enter into this space (Mae's milestones, Elsie's birthday, Christmas, etc) it has been more of a mental block and has deterred me from getting started……presently, when I think about this blog, there isn't any joy and it feels more like a chore…..so I avoid it, procrastinate and feel my blood pressure rise when I see there are 199 pictures I have flagged to eventually be posted…...but as I have been preparing for my appointment tomorrow, I scratched that idea of ending this blog…..I love this place……always have, always will……I just need to alter my mind set and arrive ready to give and take a small piece of life so we can both gain from one another…..

….so instead of spending hours recapping the past four months of photos and memories I want to share, and more importantly, moments I want my family to have from the early days of Mae's arrival; I am going to use Monday as a make up day from days past……and slowly, I think reflecting on those days will enable me to be inspired again…...to find joy in this blog and to look forward to my quiet time with this computer screen……

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…..my oldest baby turned 6 two and a half weeks after Mae was born…..luckily, the even birthdays fall on a "no party" year, so I did not have the pressure of throwing a bash at my house or planning one anywhere else for that matter……

……I met Elsie in her school cafeteria so we could have lunch together……I was able to meet her new friends, watch her interact with other students and then she had her glory in front of her class…….she beamed as they sang to her, positioned her birthday crown just right on top of her head, read a book to the class and then presented her "All about Me" poster, leaving no detailed uncovered…...

…..her chosen date with mama and Daddy was Disney on Ice which was running in Brooklyn…...so Stefan and I packed the car with our oldest and our youngest and made an appearance back in NYC……sleep deprived and baby on the boob, yes; but we made Elsie feel like a celebrity…...

…..Mimi held the fort down with the other two and was still surviving well enough upon our return to help us arrange the crew for our Christmas card picture when we got home…..

…..we didn't use any pictures we took that day for our card, but we did capture some sweet moments trying…...

…..and a birthday isn't complete without pampering, so we indulged and made it a girls trip…….

…..and during the month of November, I can't get within 100 feet of a Starbucks and resist the pumpkin spice latte…...I think I told Elsie that every birthday girl also needed a cup of hot chocolate……it was an easy sell…...

……parties are festive and loud around here…...and we consume an insane amount of cake…...

…..and when it is all said and done, I am thrilled the celebration was fabulous; but am so relieved I have another year to prepare for the next one…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…..my favorite shots from our present here and now……

…..Brody is completely into his sister lately and she fancies him too…...

….looking for his pot of gold…..

…..skating sisters on the first warmish day of spring this past weekend…...

…..I am almost inspired enough to strap some skates on too…….

…..almost…..

.....gratitude......

......how does one sum up a 2 month maternity leave from this blog?......

......my Halloween post is still in edit mode and waiting to be published, 7 days later we had a baby, all 4 sets of grandparents have been here, Elsie turned 6, Thanksgiving came and went......we thought we had a colicky baby, but we don't (praise God!) and then the whirlwind of Christmas was upon us......I have 154 pictures to share, but this one sums up the last 8 weeks most appropriately......

....she's perfect......

....our home is chaotic and there have been a lot of emotions running rampant around here.......extreme excitement, hyper big siblings, exhausted parents, moments of extreme gratitude that runs to my core.......laughing, crying, yelling, hugging......it has been a full circle......

.....and I will post the story of how Mae entered the world......and I will share how loved she is in this house and how she has completed our family in more ways than one......

.....and I will also share the adjustments we are making......the set backs some of us have taken, the mistakes I have already made, the anxiety I have felt about so many different things when it comes to all of these little people......

.....there is a lot to tell, but it won't be tonight.....

.....tonight I am coming back to you, blog, to take a peek at what I have missed......the quiet times alone with you when I can lay out my heart and mind and document this time in our life that is so fragile, so beautiful, so blurry.......

....but so clearly precious and dear.....

.....it feels good to be back.....Xx

.....new look, new face and rock the vote part 2......

....I have learned so much about myself in the past year....one thing for certain is that I do thrive on busy, crazy and hectic times because it is through the chaos and bustle that I fully submerge only to savor and relish in quiet.....I enjoy managing and prioritizing a hectic household, yet I also enjoy a peaceful evening with my babies snuggled beside me and Stefan wedged in the middle of us all.....I completely disengage from any distractions and it is in those moments when I am completely present......

......I am a libra, after all......and although I do not know anything about astrology or follow horescopes, I do know the the libra sign always has a scale to sum it up in one picture.....ebb and flow, baby.....ying and yang....it's a balancing act and Momma does love to balance.....

.....in between packing, moving, unpacking, organizing, preparing for Thanksgiving and prepping for Elsie's fifth birthday on Saturday, I also decided this blog needed a facelift......it also needed to tell a better story and accurately describe who we are as a family.....so my talented, patient and creative set of other eyes, Jacquelinne from Smitten Blog Designs managed to make the changes and did them beautifully.....

....I humbly introduce you to Our blessed beautiful suburban story and credit my old high school friend, Nikki who emailed me with some new name ideas upon our recent move out of the city......I don't know how she has time to think of creative names for my blog when she just had a set of twins, adding two more boys to her family of (now) six is beyond me......just another Momma in my life that I admire, respect and draw to for inspiration......

....I am thrilled with the new look and the new name, but plan on keeping the same family, same content and same adventures for those who choose to check in and read.....

....I am also thrilled to announce that Circle of Moms has nominated this blog for another category in the Mommy blog world......thank you to those of you who voted for me in the Top 25 NYC Mom blogs.....we won that category and now we have been recognized for Top 25 Family blogs....I would love your support as this blog continues to gain readers, introduces me to other Mommas in the blog world and allows me to capture this precious time with my children.....

....you can vote once per day until Nov. 29, 2012....

....thank you for your support, for reading and for sharing your life with me too.....

.....savoring it all......

....blog, you are two......

.....just stopping by for a quick sentiment to you, beloved blog.....

.....Happy birthday.....today you are two......and for 24 months, I have come to you to sit down and reflect on the minutes of my life that add up to one big day, week, month or year.....and I occasionally return to reflect on days passed and many times sit in awe remembering the littleness of my quickly growing family......

....you have been a treasure, blog.....a true archive to preserve for my family.....

....above all things, blog, you are my one and only.....you are the only thing, besides Stefan, who truly belongs to me.....as mommas, we all share everything with our children and our husbands.......and although I share what I write with our friends and family who choose to read you, when I sit down to document my thoughts, it is just you and me.....I can write what I want, reflect how I want and create memories through the pictures I choose to use.....you are my creative place and my sense of accomplishment in archiving the effort, work and love I strive to give my family.....

.....as much as I love giving, it feels good to arrive here and do as I please.....so thank you for that, blog.....you keep me grounded, help me to be more grateful, more thankful and more reflective......you truly keep me sane and give me quiet time in the evening to arrive and just be.....

.....so to honor your past year, here is a quick glimpse of all the looks you donned over the last twelve months.....

.....here's to another year of you and me, blog.....thank you.

.....the core......

....yesterday was a day I watched her and acknowledged I have a little girl.....not a toddler, but a new four year old who is exercising her own independence, asserting what she likes and what she doesn't and coming into her own, just as God has intended for her.....

.....she hasn't taken the tap shoes off since yesterday.....

....again, as noted before, our neighbors who live below us are counting the days until our apartment sells......

....time will tell if this is just a new activity or a passion that has been sparked because I have never seen her so head over heels about practicing her new trade......

....and when she isn't tapping and clicking away on our hard wood floors, she is experimenting with some new styles......Daddy has had three weeks of travel on his schedule and on his last trip the girls awoke to new knee socks under their pillows as a token that they were thought of at some airport in a distant place.......

.....and since then, Elsie has also decided to add some flair to her feet because she will no longer wear shoes that make a pair......she wants to mismatch.....and she calls herself, Miss Mismatch......proudly......

.....Callie, on the other hand, sleeps, eats and plays in either a princess costume or the red hand me down tutu that used to be Elsie's......I have to pry it off her for bedtime and I stretched the truth when I told her that her teachers will not allow children to bring toys into class and that her school categorizes tutus as toys.....

....it's kind of true....

....she will not wear a dress that does not spin like a princess.....she rips off jeans.....won't wear leggings that aren't pink or purple and she boycotts any dress or skirt that has a slim cut....she has gone from rocker/tomboy style to enchanted girly girl over night and I am having to carve more time out of our day to plan for negotiations on the wardrobe......I usually let her run with most of her ideas.....

....she is my budding spirited, zealous, funny and extraordinary love child....there is no one like her.....

.....and so we usually look like this on most days.....

....and I say it out loud at least once a week that as fun as girls have been, God blessed me so fully when he gave me a son.....because sometimes on challenging wardrobe days, it's so nice to know the road ahead with Brody will be a totally different path.....

....my man was digging the train station at FAO Swartz on the last wet and rainy day we had.....and as a first time Momma of a boy, I learned all about the difference between going the Thomas the Train route or the Chuggington route....apparently, it's a big decision on what toy trains you select for your boy.....who knew?.....

....but what I do know is that no matter what, anytime I set out with a friend on a mission to get out of the apartment, opposed to sitting inside on a cold, rainy day; I feel like a rockstar......the kids had off of school on Friday for a teacher planning day and Julie and I decided to set out to the toy store since the weather was going to be dreadful.....and when the rain started blowing sideways, we each stared out our windows and resisted the urge to send a text canceling.....

....I'm so glad we stuck with the plan, even through most of us were soaked before we even arrived.....when kids are in a toy store, anything goes.....especially one of the greatest toy stores.....ever.

.....just a little play date at a place tourists wait hours to enter during Christmastime.....I'm not taking anything for granted on these final months in the city.....

....and despite all of the moving parts right now, I am also feeling very present....

.....and a lot of it has to do with sleep....it's been 9.5 months, but we are finally at a place where we are sleeping for 10 hour clips....I would have never believed anyone who would have told me it would take as long as I was pregnant to get my baby to sleep through the night.....clearly, my girls spoiled me....

....but I would do it a million times over....

....and I came to this blog tonight with only a small group of pictures....I had no clear message in my mind  to write, but I can't help but feel so very much at home with this post.....as the whole reason I started this blog was to capture every moment because I knew they were passing faster than I could catch.....I wanted to remember everything.....

....and I have certainly been very emotional since announcing the move and the reality sets in....I can well up in an instant just watching my children at a park that we have been to 1000 times because I always want to remember how much we love that particular park and how much joy it has brought my girls.....and although I swallow large lumps in my throat daily because the end is near, I also appreciate the rawness of feeling so much.....it's the exact emotion that inspired me to blog and it is a powerful surge of determination and drive to suck these moments dry......

....a wise women with three grown boys watched Stefan and me at a birthday party this weekend.....it was a party of mostly adults, but we chased after our children, ensuring sticky hands were kept to ourselves and pretty glass bowls and vases were only looked at, not touched.....she lovingly watched us and acknowledged the work that this party was causing for us; since most guests enjoyed gourmet olives and spread brie during their adult conversations with each other.....but she said something that resounded with me as we watched our three young children sit in a circle and laugh at each other....she said, it's a lot of work in the phase with three young children, but the greatest thing about this phase is that they are all yours right now.....you aren't sharing them with anyone or anything and all they want and need is you.....

.....Amen, wise woman....and thank you for acknowledging that it is hard....because it is.....really hard....but it's the beauty of this time we will remember in our wise old days.....and her comment leads me back to the core of this blog....

....savoring every minute of this wild and wonderful ride....