Wednesday, February 26, 2014

…..my Callie girl is five…...

…..the five year birthday is a sappy one for me……it is the transformation year of my child leaving my side and venturing into new turf filled with independence and thrilling new adventures……in another five years, my child will be brinking on tweendom…….it is the marker year of knowing there will be more time spent away from our home than in our home……bus rides, new friends and kindergarten are in the not so distant future and the days of filling the lazy morning or afternoon hours feel very, very far away……

…..today, my second born is five…..

….my runt of the bunch……

…the one who came out screaming and howling…..no one had ever heard a 6 pound, 4 oz baby make such a grand entrance…..

….from the beginning you demanded an audience and I don't see that part of you changing anytime soon…..



…..Callie, your love for life is contagious…...you stop others in their tracks, bringing smiles and forcing us to just be in the moment with you…...






….today we spent a good part of the afternoon together where I was all yours and you were all mine…..I watched you in awe and am so thankful for the joy and beauty you have added to our family…...



….you are a joy seeker, a thrill rider, a compassionate lover of animals, people, food and fun…..you are dainty, but tough and you are bold, but sometimes shy…...


….you love chocolate, fresh flowers, all things pretty, and you are the girl who stuffed animals were made for…..each of your furry friends has a name and you ensure each one has your undivided attention for at least a few minutes a day……

….you sing, you dance, and you twirl…..

….this too, you have done from the start…..




…..thank you for being you….

…..my blue eyed, kind hearted, God loving, thumb sucking little one…..


…..there is no one like you…..

…..Happy 5th birthday……you are loved beyond measure…..

Xx

Friday, February 7, 2014

…..our final birth- welcoming Mae Elizabeth…...

….when Stefan and I were dating, he would ask me how many kids I wanted and I would always say four…..I didn't really think I wanted four, but it seemed like a good number to throw out; just so I could set the bar high…..just in case he only wanted two and I wanted three, it would seem like a compromise…...honestly, I just wanted to take it one baby at a time and after the first, I was hooked on this mommy role…..but I never thought we would actually go for the fourth baby…..

…..we made it to three, we had our first son and we gave away a lot of baby gear and clothes…..we didn't purge everything, but we purged most of it….and for at least a year, we felt complete..…..

…..it wasn't until we decided to move to the burbs that my baby thoughts began…..we would be looking for houses with our broker and I immediately would rule out a house if it didn't have room for six of us…..I began thinking about what kind of car would hold four children, plus a friend or two for carpooling…..I started to notice families with four when we were out and would stare at them, soaking in the dynamic and the behaviors of the children……I mentioned my new baby fondness to Stefan and I don't think he actually realized I was serious until the third time within a month when I brought it up…..

…...when he did realize I was serious, he turned white and just stared at me…..speechless…...

…..there were many, many discussions for several months on this topic……some light and airy, some heated and emotional, some logistical and practical……I always left those conversations with some hope that Stefan would get on board, but I also knew if he did not fully embrace the idea, it would not happen…..

….when we moved into our new house, I told Stefan someone was missing…..the thoughts of this other child were all consuming and it was to a point that if I wanted to keep my marriage in tact and healthy, I needed to drop the subject……and so I did…..and in that time I prayed and prayed and prayed some more……I changed my prayer from asking for a baby to asking that either my heart or Stefan's heart would change…..and so I sat quiet for months and waited to see how my prayers would be answered….

…..New Years Day 2013, Stefan made mimosas to accompany a huge breakfast spread that I prepared that morning……the kids were in their new basement playing, the fire was roaring and it was just the two of us after a hectic and joyful filled week celebrating Christmas…..he raised his glass for a toast to the new year and among many sweet and kind words he spoke that morning,  he also attributed 2013 to the beginning of trying to add on to our family……it was a moment that I will never forget and one that brings tears to my eyes when I think of his words, their meaning and the way he looked at me while he was sharing his ideas and expectations for the year ahead…..he was sincere, he was well thought out and he had gotten himself to a place where he really wanted another baby……

….and so we did what we have done well three times before…...and the story of Mae Elizabeth was born….


….in all fairness, there was discussion about adding to our family with every pregnancy….and with each new child, the discussions became longer and more deliberate because there are more things to consider as our family grows…..adding four to the mix is an outrageous number to many, but when it came down to it; Stefan and I both have had dreams of a big family table filled with messy love, laughter and chaos…...

….I was sick for the first four months until one day I woke and the fog had cleared and the excitement of our last baby could truly be appreciated…...








….I knew that Mae was going to be one of my smaller babies…...after carrying Brody, who arrived at a healthy 8 pounds, 3 ozs; I knew Mae was going to be dainty by the way I carried…..sure, my bones ached as the pregnancy progressed, but it was definitely my age in this pregnancy and not because I was carrying a full sized turkey..….I assured Callie that she would most likely remain the "runt" of our bunch; a term that she boasts proudly after joining this world at a small 6.4 oz…...we do call her our runt with as much adoration and love as one can muster and she cherishes the role……it would be close, but I was estimating that Mae would probably be not much more than seven pounds…..

….after my Mom had arrived the night before Halloween, we did a lot of walking, enjoyed the gorgeous hues of our CT fall scenery and waited to see if the exertion induced any labor…..I definitely started to drop and knew that we were not far away from meeting our tiny blessing….two nights before my actual due date of November 8, I was tossing and turning hours after I had gone to sleep….Stefan's snoring was extra boisterous that night and in almost 10 years of marriage, I have never asked him to leave our bed due to his extravagant bedtime snores….something inside me knew I needed rest and so I leaned over and nudged him as lovingly as I could muster, and asked him to hit the road….three hours later, I woke up to contractions and knew that my power nap was a necessity to pull me through the hours to come……

….I labored at home for two and half hours, but could tell that things were progressing quickly; so we packed up our bags, kissed Mom good bye, whispered in the ears of our three sleeping children and we were off….but not before I could take my last selfie, flaunting would would be the last bump picture in the history of my own journey in child bearing…..

…….peace out bump…..

….game on…...


….I was already dilated to a six upon arrival and after birthing both girls without drugs and then trying the epidural at Brody's birth, Stefan and I opted for the epidural once again…..there are benefits to birthing each way, but Brody's birth was so calm compared to the other two and the ease of having less pain and more serenity as we welcomed our last child was how we decided we wanted to meet Mae…..

….the epidural slowed things down a bit and gave us time to enjoy the morning and savor the anticipation of the birth…..three hours after arriving at the hospital, it was time to push and I distinctly remember scanning the room…..Stefan's jaw was clenched, as it has each time I have been in labor…..his hand holds mine so tightly and I can see all of the worry and concern as he waits to make sure that all goes well with momma and baby…..the lights go on in the little bassinet that will hold our newborn in a few moments…..I repeat for the bazillionth time to the staff that I want my baby immediately…..no heat lamp, please…..the nurses give me reassuring smiles, the doctor excuses himself to dress in scrubs and I close my eyes for a few seconds to say my final prayer as a momma to be….

….and with only three pushes, she arrived…..full of red and pink color and the sticky film she had been swimming in for months……they handed her right to us, just as we wanted and and we soaked in the first few minutes of it being just three of us……..just like we had done three times before, adoring our new little baby; skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat…..our tears washed her head as we reveled in the joy that our family was finally complete…..


….Mae Elizabeth Balderach joined us on November 7, 2013…..
…6 pounds, 11 ozs…..
….born at 8:56 am……

…..and she reserved the runt status to remain with her big sister…..

….Callie would be over the moon…..



….there were a lot of tears from me that morning….the story leading up to her finally being here with us had me overcome with gratefulness and humility…..the Lord had given this child to us…..the one we prayed for, the one we yearned for and the baby that taught us a lot about faith…..

….there is more to the story on our faith journey with sweet Mae, but some things are saved for private thoughts and discussions apart from this blog…..God is good and He shows us His mercy in His own way, in His own timing…..




…..when Brody was born, the girls were 2 and 3…..sure, they were interested, but they also lost their zest about having a baby in the house very quickly…..

……this time at ages 2,4 and 5, there was a lot of excitement…..and at the three month mark, our girls are the ones who are especially still smitten…..but the night of her birth, all three kids were on fire and ready to celebrate their baby sister…..

….I could hear the entourage 50 feet down the hallway as they approached my room to meet Mae for the first time…..the running foot steps, Stefan and my Mom asking them to slow down…..please stop running…….please stop yelling……and they all barged in like a freight train demanding to touch her, hold her and stare at her……

….it was just as I had imagined…..


…..Brody went first, picked at her eyes, laughed at her small wiggles and whimpers and within 90 seconds, he was done…...


…..Callie was next…..and as our only child who adores and pampers baby dolls, I knew this moment wold be very special to her……she has an sweet nature toward babies and animals and shows her love through affection……if it were up to Callie, she would have slept right next to me my entire stay at the hospital so she could hold Mae……her eagerness to have a little sister was a joy to witness throughout my pregnancy and her adoration with those she loves is precious…..


….this was second nature to the biggest sister…..Elsie clearly remembers meeting Brody and loves her role of being the oldest…..she does such a great job vocalizing her thoughts and spent her first moments with Mae telling her how excited she was to meet her and how long our family had waited for her to arrive….I wish I could bottle up Elsie's little voice and the kind and compassionate tone she uses with everyone…..


….while Brody played with the toys that Daddy packed, the girls took turns hopping back on my bed to dote on their little sister…...



….and it never gets old for the grandmommas, either…..we have been so lucky to have both of our moms experience the first few days and weeks with all of our babies…..not a birth has gone by when I haven't taken note several times on how lucky and privileged we are to have mommas who actively help and support us as our family has grown…..



….and this one was special because we all knew that this was the last….

….our new party of six….


…..Stefan made it a point to spend as much time with me and Mae at the hospital as he could…..we wanted to take advantage that Mom was here and we also knew we only had two days in the hospital before the baby nurses were gone and the quiet moments would be replaced with sheer craziness from three other children who would be vying for the baby and attention from us…..

…..Stefan brought great meals to my room, spent long periods of time doting on Mae and enjoyed the rare moments of having me and Mae to himself……it was almost as if we were on vacation…...



…..but before we knew it, the freight train had come back to take us home…..


….our ride was full and we were headed home to settle….


….I find it appropriate that on Mae's three month mark, I finally have published her story because we are all just coming off the roller coaster the last 12 weeks has been…..Mae's birth, Thanksgiving, Elsie's 6th birthday, preparations for Christmas, family visits, Christmas Day, potty training Brody and a new year…..all while settling, adjusting and trying to get into a new groove……

….the three month mark is always the one where I take a deep breath and think, how did I just get through that period?…..the first three months, at least for me, are the most precious, delicate, joy filled, and exhausting as a new mother…..and I would do them over and over and over with each baby because I love staring at the newness of my child…..I love exploring their newborn features…..I love to pray over them, bless them, sing to them and hold them…..time stands still and it feels so good…...


….Mae, your life has marked a new meaning of faith for us….you were born into a party and have joined it with your gorgeous smile and your blue eyes that sparkle…..you are adored, cherished and loved immensely by five of us and we constantly shower you with affection…..I know you know how much you are loved and that fills me with so much happiness that I could burst…..if the next 3 months are anything like the first three, we are in for another wild ride…..although, we will be more rested for this next set because you have already given us the gift of more sleep than we should have at this point…..

…..I still pray for you every night, just I like I did when we were deliberating four babes and just as I did when you were being woven together within me…..and you have made me the most grateful version of me I could possible be……

……Mae, you have made our family connect and grow in a beautiful way…..I can not wait to see how you continue to weave yourself into our lives in the years to come……it will undoubtedly be precious, just as you are to us…..

….we love you…...


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

….a ghost, a witch, a skeleton and the bump…...

……my sweet baby girl turns three months in three days; so it is only appropriate that I publish her birth story so that it is archived in this blog for her to reflect on some day in her future……




…..but before I can post about the day our family changed on November 7, 2013; I have to publish the week before she was born……my Halloween post was half complete when I went into labor, so with a few major changes to wording we will have Halloween in February……



…..my Mom arrived the day before Halloween and she quickly picked up and helped in the areas that I was too tired to tend to in my very pregnant state of mind……like carving our jack o lantern on the eve of Halloween……

….I had meant to get to it sooner, but just never could muster the energy…….so she and Stefan pulled through and I supervised…...


…..I was actually very excited to take the kids trick or treating because I had grand plans that I would walk the baby out…..my children thought they might spook the baby out considering we had a ghost, a witch and a skeleton under one roof…...


…..we added some more friends to the mix and we hit the neighborhood for our first traditional suburban Halloween…….




….Mom stayed back to tend to our front door and I walked and walked and walked and walked…..since my Mom was finally here, there weren't anymore worries about the children…..where would they go if labor began in the middle of the night?……who would take them to school, pack their snacks and help Brody if he had a tough day at nursery school?….there wasn't reason to fret anymore, so surely this mental state of relief would help initiate labor so we could meet our sweet bundle……

…..Halloween day had me hopeful…...


….and three days later when we ditched our rotting jack o lantern, I was not so hopeful……


…..the rest is history…..

…..now we know that Mae came 7 days post Halloween and added more color and more joy to the gorgeous fall we had this year…...


…..and now I can tell the story of Mae……

….stay tuned….