.....shining star.........

Since Monday, Callie has been asking me for a swim cap so she could be like Elsa who just started the swim team. After the tenth request for a swim cap over a day and a half, I stooped down and looked her in the eye and asked, "What's with the swim cap question over and over again? Mama already told you she would get you a swim cap the first time you asked."

I knew what she wanted without her telling me, but I asked her if she wanted me to see if she could do a late try out for the swim team. I struggled with the question because I knew I was potentially setting her up to fail. She doesn't have as much stamina as the bigger kids. Her stroke is still a bit uncontrolled. She pops her head up instead of doing side breathing. But she has the desire and the passion; and when our babes have these intrinsic emotions, we've got to rally around them.....

So I watched her jump in and swim with the team today. My heart pounded the whole time and I watched her swim well and I watched her struggle. I watched the coaches who were watching her. And the whole time I relived the conversation in my head we had last night about success and courage and bravery. Those virtues can come in the form of "you still are not ready to swim with the team. Keep practicing." Those virtues do not always come in the form of what we would normally perceive as "success."

For today, though, those virtues arrived in a resounding, "Congratulations!" Today, the coach told her she was fantastic because sometimes it is desire that is way more important than form. It's such a blessing that our children can be such shining reminders to us that life without risk is a life without pure, good, unique, joy filled celebration. I don't know if I have ever seen you this proud, Callie Anne. I am so proud of you for jumping in head first, even though you knew there was risk in trying.

What a blessing that our little people can teach us such great lessons! I was prepared for failure today because you are the littlest one on the team. But regardless of the outcome, there would not have been any failure whatsoever. You were a shining star just for putting yourself out there!

So proud of you!

.....two at Holmes school......

.....the days are long, but the years are flying by.....

.....we certainly felt like that during Elsie's first year of Kindergarten.....she grew so much in that year.....socially, academically, emotionally and certainly physically.....she even looks so much older in the picture of her last day of school.....I remember that day so clearly because it was only 9 weeks ago......and here we are celebrating a week where all of our friends are back to school......the new backpacks, the supplies, the shiny shoes and the butterflies of excitement in the belly......

......Elsa (she has preferred Elsa over Elsie since Frozen was released) has been gung ho and ready for first grade all summer and Callie has been hot and cold about starting elementary school.....

......the first day for Kindergartners is actually an orientation......they tour the school with their new teacher, the parents get to see the classroom and mingle with one another and then we go home and continue on with the routine of summer......we play outside, have some snacks, and play with the neighbors.......life is good......

......so our first morning was really a run through, but for Elsie, it was the real deal.....

.....and Brody asked several times when it will be his turn.....he doesn't like to miss any of the fun......

......we raced to school to meet Elsa when she got off the bus......

.....and she posed for a snapshot, but was determined to go about her own way.......she had friends waiting for her that lead to conversations about bus rides and lunch boxes......

......and with sweaty palms, but a brave face; it was Callie's turn to head into her new classroom and see where she would start her love for learning.....

.....and then her anxiety began about the bus ride......the same bus that she waved to every single day last year......the bus that she was dying to get on with her sister and watched it drive away down our street for 9 months......all of a sudden when it was her turn, she decided, "I am NOT gettin' on that bus tomorrow" the eve before her first full day......

.......we hugged, we talked, we reasoned, we listened.....

.....she sobbed......

.....she woke up this morning and I gave her one of my necklaces.....it is an old necklace, but it is green; my favorite color and it has a big stone in the center......I asked her to hold it and close her eyes anytime she felt scared or lonely and to think about how much she is loved.....

......I fastened it.....she touched it.....she smiled and she slowly started to come around as the morning progressed.....

......she sprinted toward the bus the instant she heard it coming up the street and I had to ask both girls to come back off to give me big hugs and kisses.......

.....she rocked that bus ride......and sister kept such good care of her......I was so proud of Callie for her bravery and Elsie for her compassion and adoration for her sister......the other mamas at school were crying because they missed their babes; running off and beginning a new world of independence......I was holding back the tears because the girls made me so proud.....their sisterhood is such a gift to me and one of my greatest joys has been watching it unfold......I am so happy to see them enjoy this experience together.....of course I miss them and have the fleeting feeling that time with little kids in the house is running low.....but more than the sorrow of that chapter being closed, I am so joyful watching them enjoy this time in their young, little lives......

.....they will have as many memories this school year as they did this past summer.....there are too many to list, but we played and we played hard......

.....we had friends visit from near and far, lots of days of glorious sunshine, swim lessons, beach days,  fruit picking, pool days, BBQs, holiday parades, and enough ice cream to start our own parlor......

.....we came 8 short of hitting our summer bucket list to full capacity......Bowling and apple picking will have to be picked up during a chilly fall day in our near future......

......and we will suck the life out of those days, too.......so long summer......from here on out, I will await you with two arms open, waiting to have my oldest little ones back at home when they are all mine again......

......but for this season, we are celebrating structure, excited about learning, anticipating newness and expanding our comfort zones......

.....and it feels so, so good......

......so proud of you Elsa and Callie......

Xx

…..savoring…..

…..hello beloved blog…..

…..we have not even been home from a week at Disney World for 48 hours…..I am still swimming in laundry made by 6 people and tripping over suitcases…….usually, this type of unorderly chaos would stress me out, but I am full of gratitude and peace tonight……

…..there are a lot of sad stories out there right now…….friends who have babies in jeopardy, missing children, and babes who have had horrible accidents……I have held my children close to me the past two days……we have skipped chores to watch videos of Brody when he was a baby, Stefan and I have cooked good meals when we don't have time this week to really be in the kitchen, I have neglected paying bills to sit with Elsie on the piano and it has been lovely to be free of the anxiety of having an orderly home….I am working on the balance of it all and it isn't a straight line progression, but I am making progress…...

……Mae and I went to NYC yesterday for a few hours to visit with Judith, one of the most godly women I know…….she is here visiting from Australia and last time she was here, I was days away from delivering Mae……our visit filled my love cup, as Judith is one of the women in my life I look up to the most……her face radiates joy and grace and I love her dearly…..

…..today I spent three hours with Callie on her field trip…….it meant so much to her to have me there……I knew this by the way she looked at me, the way she held my hand and the way her eyes welled up with relief when I was the last one to board the bus……"I was so scared you were going to miss the bus, mama. I am so glad you made it……"

…..I wiped one little tear that fell through her smile….. today I was exactly where I needed to be…….not folding laundry, not paying bills, not unloading suitcases…...

…..in times when I am feeling overwhelmed, the best thing for me is to leave the markers of stress and spend time with the ones I love……it cures me every time…..

…..Callie and Stefan are already in dreamland in our bed and I don't want to miss out…..

……grateful. aware. savoring…...

…..my Callie girl is five…...

…..the five year birthday is a sappy one for me……it is the transformation year of my child leaving my side and venturing into new turf filled with independence and thrilling new adventures……in another five years, my child will be brinking on tweendom…….it is the marker year of knowing there will be more time spent away from our home than in our home……bus rides, new friends and kindergarten are in the not so distant future and the days of filling the lazy morning or afternoon hours feel very, very far away……

…..today, my second born is five…..

….my runt of the bunch……

…the one who came out screaming and howling…..no one had ever heard a 6 pound, 4 oz baby make such a grand entrance…..

….from the beginning you demanded an audience and I don't see that part of you changing anytime soon…..

…..Callie, your love for life is contagious…...you stop others in their tracks, bringing smiles and forcing us to just be in the moment with you…...

….today we spent a good part of the afternoon together where I was all yours and you were all mine…..I watched you in awe and am so thankful for the joy and beauty you have added to our family…...

….you are a joy seeker, a thrill rider, a compassionate lover of animals, people, food and fun…..you are dainty, but tough and you are bold, but sometimes shy…...

….you love chocolate, fresh flowers, all things pretty, and you are the girl who stuffed animals were made for…..each of your furry friends has a name and you ensure each one has your undivided attention for at least a few minutes a day……

….you sing, you dance, and you twirl…..

….this too, you have done from the start…..

…..thank you for being you….

…..my blue eyed, kind hearted, God loving, thumb sucking little one…..

…..there is no one like you…..

…..Happy 5th birthday……you are loved beyond measure…..

Xx