Thursday, August 23, 2012

....change.....

.....my Tuesday morning post  left me all geared up to whip up this fantastic blog post this week about our 10 day trip to Texas......typically, documenting family vacations in one blog post is long and emotional......I find it challenging to narrow down all of the pictures taken, just as it is tricky to articulate the family time and give it the real justice it deserves.....and literally, moments after I clicked publish on Tuesday morning, the whirlwind in our household began.....

....for six months our apartment has been listed with a broker......weeks leading up to our listing going live, I was still fighting my husband on the idea of not moving to the suburbs and being one of the few families of five who stay in the city.....after many discussions and long talks in a quiet house after the babes had fallen asleep; I mutually agreed with him that more space, a slower paced life, a green backyard and a suburban home was what would be best for our family.....

.....so the short version of the whirlwind that blew through our home is that suddenly, we went from praying for direction for our long term family plan to praying for wisdom on making long term family decisions.....when it rains it pours and we probably talked to our broker more in a 24 hour period this week than we have in the 6 months our apartment has been active.....it has been busy and things moved fast......and so now suddenly, I will call NYC a place I used to live in 15 days......

....my heart has been prepared over the last 6 months to move.....there have been a string of events that have helped get me to a mental place to be able to say goodbye......to the point that many times I have said aloud, I can not wait to get out of here!.....a phrase no one would have believed would have come out of my mouth a year ago......truly, I am quite possibly more ready to start our suburban life than Stefan is and he was the one who has been pitching the idea since we became pregnant with sweet Brody......

....so today, as I add to my list of Moving To Dos such as of disconnecting utilities, collecting boxes, and purging our closets; not to mention my stack of a gazillion change of address forms, I am also reminded when I do many routine things in my everyday life for the last time that there is a real sadness that has crept in as this 9 year chapter comes to a close.....and that is where I will tie in my first clip of our Texas trip.....

.....nine years ago, the same lump in my throat was present when I was packing up my house in Austin, Texas......the same feeling of I could cry at any moment, the same half dread/half anticipation of the goodbyes to besties and family members alike.....the raw emotion was there almost a decade ago and it is here again today....except this time around, I know that the changes ahead will mold me and my children.....they will season my ever growing heap of experience that comes with age and beautifies us.....and for my babies, they may not fully understand it until they are going through the motions, but their future is bright.....

.....the unknown and uncomfortable steps we take in life fuel growth and when I think back to that twenty something, career ladder climbing girl in Austin, Texas about to embark on the Big Apple; well, let's just say that she seems so much younger than who I am today......sure, I was 9 years younger, but I also lacked all of the experiences that the thrilling purchase of the one way NYC ticket ultimately gave me and now I am ready to make the same leap of faith again.....

.....although, one thing I know is that the best friends we are leaving will still be around 9 years from now......just as our Austin besties are.....and although distance provides its own set of challenges, true friendship and committed family always prevail......the visits are always highly anticipated.....the gatherings are now rich with history, but also sprinkled with a newness and revival for all.....




....yes, it would be divine to be closer to family....I do envy those who drive a mile to see their Momma, brother, childhood best friend or cousin.....but we take our circumstances and mold them into the best of what we can make of them.....


....and so at our reunions, wherever they may be, we live large......









.....we run like the wind.....we go a million miles an hour when we have visits.....we pass up on sleep for one more conversation, one more glass of wine, or roll out of bed to engage in a sunrise gathering for morning coffee.....

.....or we skip a nap so we can pretend we are getting married for the 50th time in a row.....a runaway bride always makes for a good story, anyway.....


.....and when we do sleep, we do it summer style.....kid on top of kid......kids in the bed with us....kids piled in sleeping bags on the floor.....letting them all fall asleep wherever and then moving them at midnight.....anything to make it easy breezy....the perfect way to end a day packed with quality time and memory making moments.....













.....and as I start the initial phases of packing up this apartment and the sadness creeps in, it certainly isn't because I worry I will lose my friendships.....I will most definitely miss our wonderful network of friends on this block.......the sadness arrives because just as when I visit Texas or Florida, I long for home.....and now NYC will be on that list of places I used to call home.....although not the place I grew up or the place I met the love of my life; this is where I moved so my career could blossom......

.....the career I loved whole heartedly.....the one that gave me the opportunity to have the choice to stay home with what my true calling has been......NYC is where all of my babies were born.....it's where I lived when I married Stefan.....it is where he and I bought our first apartment together......it's been full of church friends, work friends, building friends and our home has had more visitors in the last 9 years than I will probably ever get in CT.....and it has all been grand.....it blew away my wildest dreams of what living in Manhattan would be like......and yes, I will miss it.....at times, I will miss it desperately......but our family is ready for change.....we are ready to take the leap that forces us to expand and thrive differently than we are used to.......




.....it is time for us to grow in new ways and with new beginnings.....

.....and you better believe we will make the next 15 days the best of NYC living yet.....

....time to soar, baby.....

5 comments :

Amy said...

Moving from friends and family you love so dearly is one of the hardest parts of my Army life, but you said it best...true friendship and committed family always prevail. I am excited and sad for you all at the same time! XOXO!

Davian said...

I never expected upon that first meeting at Sara's with our newborn babes that I would be in tears upon hearing that you were leaving almost five years later, even after having had months of emotional preparation. I should say we, because Violet should be included, but selfishly I will say that I am going to miss you terribly for too many reasons to enumerate here. xoxo

Michelle said...

Aw, I can't believe y'all are moving! I'm sorry we didn't make it to visit you in the city. Looking forward to seeing pictures and hearing about your new home!:)

Alysia said...

Good luck with your new adventure! I wish you lots of happiness in your new home! You bring joy with you wherever you go, so I'm certain your family will love suburban living just as much as city living.

therealsharon.com said...

Such beautiful babies you have! Nice to meet you!