.....divine timing.....

....several days with the stomach bug this week forced us to slow down and take some time to rest....granted, the schedule hasn't actually been that packed, but living in a temporary residence 15 minutes from our future home has us in the car quite a bit......so to skip out on school, as well as the driving; plus the after school activities for a few days and instead fill them with pedialyte, applesauce, toast, coloring, crafts, trucks, puzzles and movies was a nice change.......and we all enjoyed the restful together time....a forced day of rest, if you will.....

....topped off with ice cream to celebrate going 24 hours without throwing up all over Momma.....

.....our favorite movie at the moment spawned our Halloween inspiration back in September.....even Brody is quoting the line, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"......not really, but we say it so much in this house that it may be his first phrase.....

....I began a parenting course at our new church and one of the first things we discussed was play........allowing our children to really be kids, giving them opportunities to explore with their imaginations, not being so quick to stifle creativity.......so our forced day of rest came at a time when the reminder of these essential lessons in parenting have been fresh on my mind.....

....I, too, wasn't feeling so hot.....so I pushed the chores aside and boy, did we play.....

.....and since I don't know how to french braid or have the patience to learn, we practiced other ways to take the traditional braid to a new level.....

.....Momma's working her creativity too.....

.....both braids were ratted messes within 15 minutes, so we'll keep trying....

.....we are also still trying to get Callie excited about her new school......I have learned after almost 5 years of parenting my children that some things in the life of a Momma are expected and some things completely blind sight us and leave us eyes wide open.....

.....we learn and understand each of our children uniquely.......we know how they tick, what makes them sad, how they like to enter a room, what their responses will be to certain kinds of strangers.....how they will greet a relative they haven't seen for a while, what condiments they will choose to dress their hotdogs, and whether they prefer a shower or a bath.....

.....after all of that knowing and anticipating; they will also throw the occasional curve ball......the more demure child will bust out dancing in a public place when they hear a song they like.....the typical rule follower will throw out a phrase using a word like stupid, hate or boring that stuns you because you don't use those words in your home, a typical non-reader will spend a quiet 20 minutes alone reading a new book from the library......and in our case, our gregarious, brave and fearless Callie does not want to go to school.....

....I won't get into the nitty gritty details, but the separation has been heart breaking.....I have had separation phases before with all three of my babes, but this phase takes the cake......last year, my 2 year old would barely hug me as she was running to circle time.....this year, she is sobbing and begging me to stay; while also telling me she would rather go back to NYC.....

.....change.....sometimes it gets the best of us......

.....although once she is there and settled, she loves it.....her teachers are angels for contributing to a class blog that allows me to use their pictures.....

....after 5 weeks, a lot of discussion with other Mommas, testing out different strategies on approaching the school days, cutting out at least 10 different pictures of my face in the shape of a heart, creating big girl behavior sticker charts, and fervently praying about this situation; she went to school on Friday without any tears......yes, there was a trembling lip; but there was not any sobbing, wailing, throwing herself down on the floor, tripping over chairs as she runs towards the door or bawling while barely making out words that break my heart.....

.....oh yes, I said I would avoid the details....

....she did it....although there will probably be other off days, this is a step in the right direction.....and she was rewarded with a Daddy date at a new confectionary shop in Old Greenwich.....seeing this picture of genuine Callie-ness came close to making the 5 weeks of angst for both of us well worth it.....

.....and now I need to focus some attention on the one who has seamlessly transitioned to a new school with all new friends.....Elsie, usually a bit more cautious and a creature of routine, has not only jumped right in to her new Pre K class after the first day, but she is also relishing in drop off birthday parties and comes home with weekly invites for play dates from new friends.....she thoughtfully writes notes to friends in her class, always sure to not leave anyone out.....she engages with her teachers, participates confidently in class discussions and rarely says good bye to me after I get her cubby organized in the morning.....I turn the corner to her classroom to say goodbye and see that she is already fully engaged in social exchanges, so I back off not to interrupt.....her timing of full blown independence couldn't have been better because Callie has needed a lot of my time during this transition.....the timing has been perfect.....

.....and when I say fully independent, that also means I stop myself after seeing her outfit that she's created and instead of saying the first thing that comes to mind, I tell her that her outfit for school is absolutely adorable.........

....our children stump us sometimes.....it is the unexpectedness that keeps us sharp.....we tend to look deeper, think harder, pray louder and listen more intently after we have been stumped.....sometimes these are our chances to learn lessons that may have been in front of us for a while, but we had to take a moment to really see.....

.....must rest up for another day of play......

.....lifeguard off duty.....

....this week has been one in which I have felt grounded.....prepared even.....Sunday night I planned all of the weekly meals, ensuring that our Monday night dinner was a crock pot recipe because it has turned out that Mondays are harried, full and we are all in the car for most of the day.....

....the groceries were delivered Monday morning, so my refrigerator would be full of color and healthy options.....the laundry was done, the lunches have been packed ahead of time and we still have had opportunities to play.......after living in boxes for six weeks, I am starting to feel less reckless and more structured.....and as much as structure is good, too much can be rigid....so we have balanced it out by spontaneous trips for fun....and when I say fun, I mean the kind of play that comes to mind when I think back to my own childhood...... 

....no, it's not Florida.....

....but this Connecticut, quick trip to the shore, way of life is glorious and I am inhaling the intoxicating ways this charming place is reeling me in.....

....when Stefan and I were narrowing down where to live, the access to the water kept drawing us both to CT.....the sand is not white or fine, the water is not translucent aqua blue and the sun does not burn hot until November......but the oyster and mussel shells keep us entertained as we search for crabs and other little beach critters.....the sailboats rip in the wind and occupy the mini coves that hug the shoreline and the beach draws us near, even with a slight chill in the air.....in fact, swimming isn't heard of or allowed in most places post Labor Day.....another extra something that keeps us grateful during the three months of the year when we can swim.....

....I smile at the thought that my own children will get their own beach memories for their childhood.....their Momma inhales the humid, sticky, hot and salty air of Florida and is transported back home and they will get the the same nostalgia in their own way as their senses determine over the next few years what home will mean to them......

....and opposed to pelicans, we have geese up here.....

....quite the surprising change.....

....and although the beach could be our playground on a daily basis, we still visited some old fashioned slides and monkey bars this week......the fact that we have been able to carve out some great outdoor activities so easily has been good for all of us.....

.....fall is not quite in the air yet, but it is close....if anything, the birds, geese and ducks are starting to show signs they are gearing up to fly south for the winter....they scrounge any bit of food they find to store for their long journey....

....and although the temperatures have not dropped to the point we are cued that a new season is near, we are gearing up for it too......the pumpkin and spice candles are lit every day and we are trying out some new recipes that scream, cozy.....

....and as always, I am thrilled to have a volunteer for assistance.....

....we are enjoying the small moments of suburbia newness......

....and although the city is still on my mind daily, there are some chores that are so much easier in the burbs.....

....it doesn't get much better than this.....

....and yes, that is my first pumpkin spiced latte of the season......or the season we are anticipating with bated breath..... 

....happy soon to be cozy weather and beginning of fall.....we are pulling the warm clothes out hoping it will cue mother nature that we are ready for pull overs, cords, suede and cashmere.....

.....and pardon the open snaps showcasing the wet and soggy diaper.....

.....in fact, take back everything I said about structure in the home.....

....some things just don't change.....

....enjoy the weekend.....

....one foot in, one foot out.....

.....I am the type of person who jumps in with both feet.....I do not dabble, I do not test the temperature of the water with my big toe and I certainly don't wade in slowly.....if I am going to do it, I am going to commit fully and will usually make my entrance with a running cannon ball; splashing all who are lingering poolside.....

.....as a mother, I value the importance of showing my girls (and Brody will soon catch on) that I have the courage and confidence to showcase my cannonballs, hoping they will follow suit......when I know the water is cold and the day isn't really sweltering hot, I still leap.....hoping that in due time, they too will have the desire to jump in full force regardless of the temperature.....maybe they will be swan divers, back divers or simply wade into the water only to perform a semi dive off the side of the pool from a sitting position.....whatever works for them works for me, but I do want them to experience throwing themselves into something bigger than they are and finding their way to a place that feels safe......

....I am certainly out of my comfort zone in the burbs.....some things feel natural and easy and other things are very hard for me to adjust to.......I am attending school drop offs and pick ups and making small talk with the other Moms.....I am joining nursery school committees to meet people, making play date plans for the girls and listening to the advice that so many new acquaintances want to share with me.....and it has been very welcoming.....but it also feels so new.....and rightly so, as we have been here for two weeks.....but as I am morphing into a new me, as every uncomfortable experience forces us to grow; I am realizing that I do not like being the new person.......for my girls sake, though; I am doing those fearless cannon balls and high fivin' when they have made their mark, but I am faking the confidence thing for them because there are days I want to pack it all up and head back to the city.....I want to go back to the bustling streets and wave to five people I know during my 9 minute walk to the pediatrician, grocery store or playground.....there are days I want the safety of the side of the pool without having to leap.....

.....but, I have also been around long enough to know that it takes time.....it will be a while until it feels remotely like home......and the positive thing is that there are many new women I've recently met who I know can be good friends in my future.....many of them uprooted their families, specifically from NYC and have made a great life where we are now.....so there is a commonality of empathy already established......

.....the girls are also making their new connections and those will flourish sooner than mine will because little girls just cut to the chase and declare they are BFFs in such an innocent and sweet way......we chose a great place to raise our family.......so with hopeful besties for all of us, I have been encouraged and am peaceful underneath the current of change......

.....but during a day when I needed a little bit of home sweet home remedy, I pulled out tickets that have been burning my pocket for months and drove Elsie to the city for a night out with old friends.....

.....and it didn't take moving to the burbs to learn that I thrive on the energy of NYC......this I have known since I dreamed of living in the big city as a college freshman......my heart literally starts beating faster when I see the sky line in the distance.....the hustle and bustle of our old neighborhood was refreshing and I think it's safe to say that at some point in our lives, Stefan and I will most likely live in NYC again.....maybe not full time, but enough to get our fill......

......but for now, we will take the big apple in small doses and drink it up when we have the opportunity.....

.....The Fresh Beat Band concert was one of those momentous firsts as a parent......Elsie and Madelyn danced, laughed, giggled and fearlessly shimmied their way from our aisle to inches from the stage to truly experience the evening......

.....during the grand finale, Julie and I half giggled/half cried as the confetti exploded all over the girls......100 feet away from us and down towards the stage, we saw the girls laughing and experiencing such a magnitude of excitement......I have never seen this kind of euphoria from my oldest and it was emotional to watch her from a distance....she was experiencing a band she loves with one of her best friends and the sheer joy of independence (or at least feeling that way since they couldn't see us, but we could see them) was joyful and heart breaking all at once.....she is nothing close to being my baby anymore.....always a baby, but not one that needs her Momma so much.....

.....but back in CT, they need their Momma a lot.....

....back in CT, the tide changes....

.....brave at home for the first day of school, the girls were thrilled to pose before heading to their new classrooms......Elsie reluctantly parted from me once we arrived, making me promise we'd have fun that afternoon.....and she slowly took baby steps toward a table of new faces and my heart ached for her knowing it is difficult to be the new girl.....she wore her BFF necklace from Madelyn and I reminded her that somewhere in that classroom were several BFFs......I am not sure she believes me quite yet, but she'll believe me soon enough......

.....Callie, however, was big and brave on her first day......Stefan happened to be with us because we had an inspection scheduled on a house we are trying to buy and both of us were stunned at her bold wave and independence as she explored her classroom......

.....the second week of school has been a different story......I am sick to my stomach for an hour after our departure......I am talking screaming, hyperventilating crying......reaching out to me with the saddest face, while her teacher gently manages to keep her in the classroom.......all while she is yelling, "Momma, please don't leave me"......and as soon as I take the corner, stop at the water fountain to catch my breath and wet my dry mouth, contain myself enough to walk back to her door and discreetly peer back into the window with my hand over Brody's mouth so Callie doesn't hear his babbling; I am relived to see her playing and participating like the whole dramatic scene didn't even happen......there has been change for all of us and it has been channeled around here in so many ways.....

....for instance, packing a PreK lunch is taking way longer than it should.....I am confident I will have this nailed down to 3 minutes come February.....

....but our trips to NYC have been frequent......concerts, play dates and birthday parties have had us back three times in the last 14 days.....and no, we are not living in the past; we are just making frequent visits so that we get our dose of comfort before we prep for those cannon balls.....

....and Thursday mornings are all about my little man.....at least until my new bible study begins in a few weeks....I inhale my one on one time with any of my children like it's the freshest scent I have ever known.....but this little boy truly doles out the smiles, hugs, giggles and kisses like I have never known.....

....I still thank God every day for the opportunity to have a boy....of course, three girls would have been grand.....

.....but the plan that was chosen for me is perfect.....

.....and whether new or old.....diving in or clinging to the poolside chair dreading the plunge......city or suburban.....some things stay status quo.....

....of this I know is true.....

....Momma got her groove back.....

.....It's almost impossible for me to write now without incorporating our impeding move out of the city in my posts......I toured nursery schools yesterday in the town we will probably move to and I arrived home after an 8 hour day exhausted......physically and mentally drained and with emotions all over the place.....with all of these life changes swirling around in my head and my heart, I find it hard to write without including the fact that every day during my normal routine-....the school pick ups, drop offs, the ballet classes, the gymnastics, the music classes, the casual conversations with neighbors who have turned into dear friends, the play dates.......I can't help but think, all of this is all about to change......city living is an experience that has been so precious to me and there are days I am still not sure I am ready to give it up.....

.....but I will move off those thoughts for now so that this post isn't the third consecutive essay half dreading, half anxiously anticipating new beginnings......I'll save it all up for a real whopper when I can't contain the bubbling emotions any more.....

....the nursery schools were fabulous, by the way.....warm, encouraging, challenging, bright, cheerful, God loving and all with gorgeous, large classrooms.....it will take me a while to get used to having space.....what a luxury.....

.....our routine is actually clicking and it's taken me since September when both girls began nursery school to get my mojo together.....I have been very challenged with this year's school schedule, as Elsie is every morning and Callie is three afternoons per week.......there have been days that I make 8 trips to our beloved house of little people.....Brody has been a trooper and has held off on naps, been waken from his naps, missed a snooze all together or has dozed off amidst the hustle and bustle.....but with the help of good planning, a great babysitter, and mostly amazing friends that chip in; we have been able to get it together and it feels really good to finally hit my groove......

....and if I were an incentive driven preschooler, I would give myself the reward of a ring pop for the accomplishment.....

.....because rewards keep us aiming for more and for the first time since I gave birth, I feel like I can take on just that.....more play dates at my house, a meal for another Momma who just had a baby, an extra hour to volunteer at the girls' school....and being able to extend myself to others just a bit more feels good.....

.....but the the bottom line is that as Brody approaches his 9 month mark, I am just getting a handle on juggling three small children.....for all of the Mommas out there who say that adding a third is a piece of cake, I would like to know what kind of cake you are eating?.....

....sometimes I wonder if I have felt so overwhelmed because all three of mine are at home and not in full time school.....sometimes I wonder if I bit off more than I could chew.....sometimes I wonder if I am just not capable.....sometimes I wonder if I will always feel like I am barely getting by.....luckily, my confidence has regained some momentum as I have had some successful weeks.....

.....lately I have wondered if it's been challenging because of how we live.....without a backyard, getting outside is an all of us or none of us deal......no front driveway for chalk or backyard for jumping through a sprinkler while the baby naps.......so when Brody has to sleep and the girls want to go run around, my hands are tied......

....so we sure do color a lot.....

....but no matter what, three has been busier and that has taken some adjustment to hone in on my organizational skills.....planning enough time to take one somewhere and pick up the other; all with enough time to bundle up children, strap them in the stroller.....unstrap and unload them so I can bump the stroller down our building stairs to start the trek to our destination.....re-load and re-strap and squeeze in a bottle feeding in between or an unexpected potty stop at Starbucks.....keeping the children engaged in activities with their friends, but also ensuring my kids have some down time.....it's a fine line to balance and I thought I was very organized until Brody came along.....

.....now I know that I needed to sharpen my skills to refine the juggling act.....

....and like all things, practice and time will eventually help us see the light....momentum of becoming good at something helps to fuel the fire within as we gain more wisdom and experience.....I love the phase of moving from an uncomfortable place to one that is secure and safe.....I love to look back and remember how a challenge brought forth self doubt, self reflection, and prayer that ends with a renewing that exhibits our growth....

....and speaking of growth, my girl has blossomed in her ballet and in a few short weeks she will bid it farewell and tackle a new endeavor of tap dancing......oh, the shiny black shoes that click and clack will bring back some fond memories.....

....and as Elsie practices her ballet, my jumper, leaper and swinger is perfecting cartwheels and somersaults on the other side of the neighborhood.....watching Callie progress and enjoy her natural talent at age 2.5 has been so joyful.....typically a Mommy and me class, the instructor asked all of us to wait outside post Christmas.....without me by her side, she has flourished.....

....all warmed up and ready to fly....

....a quick spot to make sure her leap doesn't turn into a flip.....

.....and she sticks it....

....you should have seen her throw both of her hands above her head after she realized she landed her jump.....she's my miniature Mary Lou Retton....and I missed the picture because I was cheering like the crazy fan on the sidelines.....

....and just like Elsie, Callie also wants to make some changes.....so she is hanging up her leotard and trading them for pink tights and ballet slippers.....and she will gladly take her sister's lace ups......they accomplish what they want and then move on to the next challenge....they do it with zeal, enthusiasm and they are fearless.....both of them....

....oh, the lessons we learn from our little ones....

....I suppose now that I am perfecting my routine in NYC with three small babes, it's time to change it up and look for the next challenge....so again, I can't get too far in this post without rehashing this upcoming change for our family....another phase of life that will be uncomfortable and make me squirm.....but it will force growth and transformation.....with an outcome that I am experiencing now as I look back on Brody's last 9 months with us.... and it's a good, good place to be....

....so I will try to tackle this next one as freely and as fearlessly as my children look at new endeavors because I am learning from them right now more than they can imagine.....

    ....Callie's hat from Loveyheads.... 

....and I am a very good student with three terrific teachers....